While I realize that life is still happening around me, I don't apologize for being so wrapped up and consumed with him...how could you not be? Mama Kendall, is what my Kenyan colleague called me today...what does that mean I asked him..."In Kenya, when someone become a mother, they're no longer called by their name, they've achieved a higher status and level of respect and receive the name of their child, mother of..." Well, despite what the Kenyans say, I still think its crazy that I am someone's mother. I never really understood how much my mother loves me until I had a child of my own.
I find myself throwing internal tantrums, because I feel like the ideal life I'd crafted for him is still a work in progress or may not even come to fruition like most things in life. What offers me some relief is that he doesn't yet have any expectations of me. Yesterday he smiled at me for the first time and the weight of "where I am..." was lifted and I settled into what was most important...me loving him, unconditionally, being there for him everyday, not missing a moment. Making him happy makes the sleepless nights, countless bottles and diaper changes, trips to the doctor, hours at work missing him, lack of a social life, baby weight gain, worrying, anxiousness, trips up three flights of stairs with him, a car seat, two gallons of baby water, diaper bag and purse so worth it.
A friend recently asked my why i
t had been so long since I'd written anything...I told her I hadn't been inspired...well I guess I now have a new inspiration, My Kendall.
