Do Good Girls Finish Last?

You're his "BFF", take care of him, cook, clean, listen to his problems, you got his back...and you got everything, but the ring.

A lot of women pride themselves on being the "good girl", she's pretty, smart, cool, she never complains and she's loyal above all. Most guys think, she's not going anywhere, which because she's a good girl she likely won't. Good girls are a modern day mans perfect woman, especially those that just aren't ready to take the leap of going all the way and making an honest women out of her. They get all of the benefits of having a wife, without actually having to go through it. Now, the good girl isn't the victim, she just does what her heart tells here, she thinks that if she's a good woman, she'll reap the rewards of having a faithful,caring man who will appreciate what he has and want to make her his wife...and the "good girl" act will pay off...right? Those of us who are good girls knows that it doesn't necessarily work this way. Now getting a ring is not the ultimate goal here, but the question is what do "good girls" get out of being....good?

One thing I've learned about men, is that they always keep their options open until they decide to get married. And if you're lucky, that's when they'll hang up their player card, stop looking to get their egos fed and settle into being a one woman man....forever. Now women, and not all women, but the good girls, get that one guy and latch on like a leech, perfection is key here, because they're playing all of their cards right like they're auditioning for a role in a million dollar movie. They close their options as soon as he says "I Love You". A sexy ass model could walk pass them butt naked and they wouldn't even flinch, their eyes would be fixated on their man, assuring him that he's the only one for her. Like anything in life, relationships take their course...you have those guys that realize earlier on, like within a few months that they have a good girl and that comes once in a lifetime, he totally converts to being a good boy, and genuinely knows that he's hit the jack pot. Now the good girl has her good boy and they live happily ever after. This is rare...because there is no test without a testimony, every relationship has its problems, and most of the time the good girl is left with trying to figure out what shes missed out on while being good. I honestly think that men are afraid to really settle down because they think there's always something better, like when the newest Iphone comes out, its the same as the old one, but its the "new version" with a few upgrades. So why not try it out, right? Now, there's nothing wrong with guys thinking this way, however what stops women from doing the same thing?

If you're a good girl, you're a limited commodity, trust me. If you got the looks, brains, personality, etc...you're in high demand, but what's makes you special is the fact that you're loyal, a man never has to feel insecure or like he's in competition for you, because he knows....I got her, she's not going any where. What I am certain about is that men like challenges, they like to compete, if somethings too easy, they loose interest. So what good girls need to arm themselves with is the game that keeps guys on their toes. Most good girls finish last because they say "I don't have time for games" What they don't realize is that the games are being played with or without them, and if they're not on board they're certainly going to loose.

Now, I am by no means perfect, at all. But, I am a self proclaimed good girl, I'm loyal, have never seriously dated more than one guy at a time, have always been a friend first to the guys I've dated and stood by their side when they needed me. But when it's all over, why do I feel like I've lost? and when the next one comes along I'm the same good girl, and find myself in the losers circle yet again? Now I'm not saying to be a bad girl, I feel like you should never compromise who you are for anything, however I think that good girls need to step up their game a bit, hell they need to get in the game and get as much as they put in, and the only way to do this is to try doing a few things differently.

1. Get you a starting line up.
I've never been big on dating more than one guy at a time. Mainly because I'm very picky and it takes a guy to have that "it" factor for me to even be somewhat interested. However, when you're a good girl and you meet a guy you like, you drop everyone and everything to give him your undivided attention. Stop, right there. Take a note from the guys. Guys always keep a roster, backup plans. They got that one girl who's their "girl", but they don't drop anyone. They do just enough to keep them around on an "as needed" basis. So, good girls, most of us probably don't have a team lined up, because we go from one serious relationship to the next and never really take time out to date. So what this means is, once you get your guy, don't automatically turn on your "I got a man face", be open to making friends. Be open and let them know that they're just friends, but allow yourself to be distracted a little. Let your guy know that there are others watching and waiting for him to slip up. To maintain your good girl status, nothing will ever happen with these friends, a few phone calls or texts here and there is fine, but that's the extent. Most guys can spot a good girl a mile away, so the friends will stay at arms reach waiting to slide on in. In the meantime you're still loyal to your guy, but you're not allowing yourself to get wrapped up in him to the point where you lose yourself.

2. Don't shack up!
Everything's going perfectly in your relationship, you want to spend every second together, so you decide that maybe you should move in together....Don't do it, I repeat, don't do it. You're probably already doing all of the "wifey" things, so now moving in together will seal the deal. As long as he's getting everything out of having a wife without the ring, what's his incentive to buying one? Living apart, gives him a chance to miss you, and another reason to want to make you his wife, so he can have the pleasure of waking up to you every morning. That's something only a life partner should get, not a boyfriend, sorry.

3. Always keep your cool.
Good girls can sometimes be passionate about things, we allow things to get us worked up and upset, mainly because we know we've put our heart and souls into something, and when you don't get that back, or when it's taken for granted, we spazz out!When you feel yourself getting worked up or unappreciated, stop, breathe and fall back. Keep it cool, things will play out the way they're supposed to, you getting worked up won't solve anything. Keep your cool, if anything, this will catch him off guard. In the end he'll end up checking himself, because you won't have an argument for him. He'll remind himself how amazing and cool you are and get his act together. In the meantime, call one of your "friends" in your lineup for some random conversation to make you feel better :-)

4. Know when its time to let go!
This is key! Good girls give so much "benefit of the doubt" that we end up living a lie. We all have our breaking points, and leaving is not easy. We can't take a lot of bull, but sometimes it takes that one thing that does it for us. I always tell my friends, don't try to leave if you're not ready, because you'll end up going back and beating yourself up about it. Now I'm not saying to be a doormat, but when it's time to go, and you're REALLY done, you'll know. Some guys are worth holding on to, you go through tough times together, but he makes it very clear to you, by his actions that you're the one and he's going to do everything in his power to make you happy. Other guys, well they'll show you who they REALLY are in due time. Spending five years with someone and you're still battling trust, loyalty, the way they feel about you, etc...is a waste. By year 2 all of that should be worked out, if not, its time to go.

Good girls mostly think with our hearts and not our heads. We don't strategize, plan our next move, or analyze our opponents and their motives. We live in the moment, we look and live for signs of love, we have it all set out in our minds how we'd like things to be, we get hurt, we bounce back, and we love again, and again and again. After loving so many times and you're left with the same results you have to consider that maybe its not them, its you. You're not on an even playing field when the guy is doing all of the above and you are...well, waiting. Be a good girl, but be open, be cool, be independent but know how to let go when its appropriate, and know when to count your losses, pack it up and move on. There's only one way to play the game, they're playing it, why aren't we? Be a good girl to a good man, who deserves it, save it for him, trust me, it'll be worth it.