For many recent graduates the stress on the economy has had a significant impact on their dreams. Most of them entered college 4 years ago, believing in Meritocracy (i.e. working hard will pay off). Four years later they walk across the stage with a degree in hand but no job offers in sight. Now they are thrust out into the world with thousands of dollars in school loans and no income.
Well, what about the seasoned young professionals who at the peak of their careers have been laid off with no prospects of rebounding. At this point for both the novel graduates and the alumnus the investment that they thought they were making into their future is not looking so sound.
The value of a college degree for most is immeasurable, especially for minorities, who several decades ago would not have been afforded the opportunity. However, dreams have been deferred but the loans have not. For those who have been out of jobs for over a year, the search has become intolerable. To make ends meet most have taken on jobs as servers and in retail. What do you do, who do you turn to? Job seekers need to get creative about how to find jobs, simply sending in a resume won't do.
While writing your University that letter the get your money back for that degree you're not using, here are some tips that may help find work in a difficult economy.
The first thing you need to do is map out a plan. not just one where you count how many resumes you've sent out in a given day, but a plan that has strategic steps that will guide you to your ultimate goal, finding a job! One that's measurable and has clear steps and a timeline.
Drink away your stress at Networking Events
So, I'm sure stress is your number one enemy right now, so alcohol has become your best friend, right. Find out what networking events are going on in your field and attend them. You can likely find info on these via professional organizations in your field - check their websites. Second, join social networking sites liked Linked In (www.linkedin.com) and connect with people in your field and find out if they know of any industry events that are going on in your area. Lastly, use your connections via Facebook, Linked In, etc...and set-up lunch meeting and grab a quick drink with someone in your field and pick their brain. The quickest way to find a job these days is via networking. If someone inside the company can vouch for you, you have an internal cheerleader and you'll get the edge over other candidates.
Freelance/Contract Work
Just because you're not working does not mean that you should not continue to master your craft. Make sure you are keeping up with the current trends in your field and checking out what the company's you're interested in working in are doing. Everyday you should be preparing yourself for "THAT" opportunity. Whatever one you've been waiting for all your life, so when it comes...you're more than prepared. While companies are laying off there is still work that needs to be done and some may consider bringing in a freelance or contract employee as an alternative to a full-time one. That way you can do some project work for them as an independent contractor and they don't have to commit to hire you full-time. This is also a great way to build your resume while looking for a job. Market yourself as a consultant, freelancer or independent contractor looking for project work. Contact employers letting them know that you are available for contract work. Highlight for them the benefits of bringing in a contractor. Not only is this a great way to make some cash while job hunting but it can also get your foot in the door with several companies who will have seen your work firsthand.
Join a professional organization/Volunteer
Surround yourself with your peers and those working in your field by joining a professional organization. These organizations offer resources that can help you get closer to finding a job. Attend the organizations' workshops, events and volunteer programs get to know the people you're working with, let them know that you're looking. Also, most corporation have foundations or charities that they support, find out what those are and volunteer. You'll find the Chairman or VP at those volunteer events. What better way to connect with them?
These are just a few ways to get creative and strategic about finding a job. I know it's hard and its frustrating, but there not testimony without a test right?
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
I am Who I Say I Am.
We are all works in progress. I have to remind myself of that daily. We spend most of our young adult lives trying to figure ourselves out and stay true to who we "think" we are, which can change overnight...We face life circumstances and run into situations that question our integrity, our character and the person that we've known outselves to be, but what's important is that we are present to being who we say we are.
I am a full blown scropio, I am passionate, amibitous, persistent, stubborn, observant, inquisitive and yes, I've accepted that I can also be mean at times. But, the great thing is, I am present to all of that and apologize for none of it. What my biggest pet peeve about people is when they create this ideal "self" in their minds that doesn't always translate into their "real" self.
When I meet new people, I am extremely observant, I pay close attention to what comes out of their mouths and what their actions say. This is difficult to do, because the mind can play tricks on you. If someone tells you something and does something different your mind references what was said, then at that point the confusion surfaces and its a mess! I think one of the biggest issues in any relationship, whether its work, family or love, is COMMUNICATION. People are not saying how they "really" feel for whatever reason. Whether they're trying to spare someones feelings, be politically correct or save face. Now don't get me wrong there should always be filters, but let's master the art of saying what you need to say with finesse, instead of mastering the art of bullshitting.
"It's not you it's me"
"We've decide to go in a different direction"
"I'm busy"
"I've made my decision...but are you ok with that?"
"I can't make it...I have to work late, or wash my hair, or etc..."
These are what I call bullshit phrases. These are things people say, when they don't really want to say what's real. Saying that it is in your character to be an honest person, dependable, kind hearted and considerate does not translate if you use these phrases. How about instead of, "it's not you. it's me", say we just aren't a good fit. Or instead of an employer saying we've decided to go in a different direction, say you're just not what we're looking for...and don't say you're busy, just say that that's just not something you're interested in taking time out for right now. At first this sounds easy and some of us are reluctant to even pay close enough attention to the fact that we're saying these things. But when you are present to what you're saying and realize that what you say to people is a reflection of who you claim to be, our communication with one another will improve.
You know how people always say, i want to get to know you, not your representative...imagine if people showed up as themselves...? Crazy idea right? What if it didn't take 6 months for you to get to know who someone really was? Ladies what if a guy showed up and laid it all out on the table, imperfections and all? and what if women would just say what they wanted and who they really were in the beginning instead of expecting guys to read their minds or see their unpleasant side, distrustful side later?
If we outline for ourselves...this is who I want to be. And I'm talking about character not professionally. I want to be an honest person, I want my actions to speak for themselves, I want to be driven, etc... In addition, be clear about who you are right now and how your everyday actions reflect that. Don't say I'm a honest person, then tell a lie in the next hour, or say I am driven, then quit something w/o even really trying. Be present to that, if you are honest, when the time comes where you have to choose between lying and telling the truth (with finesse), say to yourself I am commited to being who I say I am, so...
We need to do better, we spend a lot of time focusing on our careers, families and other life commitments. We need to make our character a focus as well. It defines who you are inside of your life commitments. If you don't find yourself you will lose yourself. If you're not clear about who you are, how can you expect anyone else to get to know you.
It's ok, to not be there yet, it takes some people a lifetime to get there. But it has to start somewhere, right?
I am a full blown scropio, I am passionate, amibitous, persistent, stubborn, observant, inquisitive and yes, I've accepted that I can also be mean at times. But, the great thing is, I am present to all of that and apologize for none of it. What my biggest pet peeve about people is when they create this ideal "self" in their minds that doesn't always translate into their "real" self.
When I meet new people, I am extremely observant, I pay close attention to what comes out of their mouths and what their actions say. This is difficult to do, because the mind can play tricks on you. If someone tells you something and does something different your mind references what was said, then at that point the confusion surfaces and its a mess! I think one of the biggest issues in any relationship, whether its work, family or love, is COMMUNICATION. People are not saying how they "really" feel for whatever reason. Whether they're trying to spare someones feelings, be politically correct or save face. Now don't get me wrong there should always be filters, but let's master the art of saying what you need to say with finesse, instead of mastering the art of bullshitting.
"It's not you it's me"
"We've decide to go in a different direction"
"I'm busy"
"I've made my decision...but are you ok with that?"
"I can't make it...I have to work late, or wash my hair, or etc..."
These are what I call bullshit phrases. These are things people say, when they don't really want to say what's real. Saying that it is in your character to be an honest person, dependable, kind hearted and considerate does not translate if you use these phrases. How about instead of, "it's not you. it's me", say we just aren't a good fit. Or instead of an employer saying we've decided to go in a different direction, say you're just not what we're looking for...and don't say you're busy, just say that that's just not something you're interested in taking time out for right now. At first this sounds easy and some of us are reluctant to even pay close enough attention to the fact that we're saying these things. But when you are present to what you're saying and realize that what you say to people is a reflection of who you claim to be, our communication with one another will improve.
You know how people always say, i want to get to know you, not your representative...imagine if people showed up as themselves...? Crazy idea right? What if it didn't take 6 months for you to get to know who someone really was? Ladies what if a guy showed up and laid it all out on the table, imperfections and all? and what if women would just say what they wanted and who they really were in the beginning instead of expecting guys to read their minds or see their unpleasant side, distrustful side later?
If we outline for ourselves...this is who I want to be. And I'm talking about character not professionally. I want to be an honest person, I want my actions to speak for themselves, I want to be driven, etc... In addition, be clear about who you are right now and how your everyday actions reflect that. Don't say I'm a honest person, then tell a lie in the next hour, or say I am driven, then quit something w/o even really trying. Be present to that, if you are honest, when the time comes where you have to choose between lying and telling the truth (with finesse), say to yourself I am commited to being who I say I am, so...
We need to do better, we spend a lot of time focusing on our careers, families and other life commitments. We need to make our character a focus as well. It defines who you are inside of your life commitments. If you don't find yourself you will lose yourself. If you're not clear about who you are, how can you expect anyone else to get to know you.
It's ok, to not be there yet, it takes some people a lifetime to get there. But it has to start somewhere, right?
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Jack Your Body vs. Poppin' Bottles ~ When a party was a party
The days of the 2-step are in full force. With DJ's that don't stray far from the the Top 40 and Club Owners that are more concerned about the color of their crowd than creating atmospheres that are about in its simplest form....partying, the Chicago party scene as we know it, is becoming extinct.
Today's party scene is saturated with fly by night promoters and an overabundance of options. Deciding where to party on a Friday night is more difficult than deciding whether or not to have a C section or natural child birth! There is no easy answer and there are so many factors on which to base your decision. What makes one party stand out from another? What happened do dance floors, do they still exist? and why does a bottle of alcohol cost as much as last months cell phone bill?
To pay or not to pay....that's the question
Since when has partying become rocket science? Free before 10pm, then $10 before 11pm, but if you RSVP with your social security number you can get on the list, which means that you get a discount at the door, which we can't tell you right now what it is, but you'll need to print our the confirmation email and bring it with you to even be considered for entry...OK, wait now what now? When I'm ready to unwind from a long week of working who wants to have to remember all of this? If you work as hard as I do, at 5pm on Friday my brain shuts down, and the only thing that's left to think about is if I'm drinking light or dark liquor tonight! For most people when it comes to partying they could care less about what the cover is...as long as they know that they are guaranteed to have a good time. The event planner in me would suggest that the most successful parties are the ones that are consistent. Find a mix of elements that work and then build your following. Throw a weekly party at the same venue, for the same price, with the same DJ and the people will come out. The best form of marketing is not via e-blasts, facebook, myspace, etc...it's word of mouth. The first place people will think about going the next week is the last place they remember having a good time. Clubs, like any other business owner, need to make their customers' experience memorable. This is how you create customer loyalty and brand awareness.
There's another one right down the street!
The old mantra, first impressions are everything still hold true when it comes to business and marketing. When you have an event, its about the complete experience from beginning to end. This begins at the door! If your guests are greeted with mean mugging bouncers, ego maniac promoters and are ushered into the club like a herd of elephants, what do you think they'll expect the rest of their experience will be like? The reality is, there is another club right down the street that's offering the same thing you are. Your guests are just that...guests. They are your clients, customers and essentially should be treated like family. They should feel welcomed. The goal here is for them to come back again and again and again. You want your guests to develop the "Cheers" mentality, "where everybody knows your name". Where regulars are valued and newcomers are embraced. What makes your party special is not the fancy font you use on your flyers, or the celeb you get to host/make an appearance at your party, or the catchy slogan you use to get peoples attention when they're sifting through their spam mail. What makes your party special is the no line, no wait, the DJ that you can't stand b/c he's making you sweat your hair out but love b/c he's forcing you to put that 9 to 5 up on the shelf, the club owner that knows you by name b/c he sat at the bar and took shots with you last week, and the well worth it hangover you have the day after.
Pop a bottle to pop that bootie
Pay to play has taken on a whole new meaning when it comes to the business of throwing parties. While it is certainly a viable means of making additional income, the goal has shifted from throwing parties to making money. When your goal is the simply the latter its a recipe for disaster. I'll admit as a woman I've gotten off easy when it came to having to shell out a lot of money at clubs. But when I got wind that they were charging guys $40 and upwward to $80 bucks to get in, I figured out the reason why the women ALWAYS outnumber the men in the club...it's b/c most working men are not going to pay the high priced admission. Once you're in, your next mission is to get into VIP, because that is truly where the party is at. If you are buying a bottle (well nowadays its more like a 2 bottle minimum)you do not have to stand in line, you don't pay a cover, you get the undivided attention of a cocktail waitress, the DJ will shout you are your guests out all night, and you will get a personal visit from the manager or promoter. All while the general admission guests stare upon you from the stagnant dance floor wishing they could join the party.
While I'm getting close to the age where I'm almost the old chick in the club...I still have hope that the days of the Sinibar, Biology Bar, Red Line, Funky Buddha, Slicks, Minx's, etc... will resurface and give us back the PARTY. The $10 all night, the eternal girls night out spot, the you already know where I'm going to be at spot, the I can't wear that this week b/c I wore it last week spot, the I got stories for days about that spot, the every picture I got is in front of that same wall at the club spot, the I got my cardio in for the week in one night spot....the I don't care if I'm almost 30, I still want to jack my body spot.
Bring us back our party spot!
Today's party scene is saturated with fly by night promoters and an overabundance of options. Deciding where to party on a Friday night is more difficult than deciding whether or not to have a C section or natural child birth! There is no easy answer and there are so many factors on which to base your decision. What makes one party stand out from another? What happened do dance floors, do they still exist? and why does a bottle of alcohol cost as much as last months cell phone bill?
To pay or not to pay....that's the question
Since when has partying become rocket science? Free before 10pm, then $10 before 11pm, but if you RSVP with your social security number you can get on the list, which means that you get a discount at the door, which we can't tell you right now what it is, but you'll need to print our the confirmation email and bring it with you to even be considered for entry...OK, wait now what now? When I'm ready to unwind from a long week of working who wants to have to remember all of this? If you work as hard as I do, at 5pm on Friday my brain shuts down, and the only thing that's left to think about is if I'm drinking light or dark liquor tonight! For most people when it comes to partying they could care less about what the cover is...as long as they know that they are guaranteed to have a good time. The event planner in me would suggest that the most successful parties are the ones that are consistent. Find a mix of elements that work and then build your following. Throw a weekly party at the same venue, for the same price, with the same DJ and the people will come out. The best form of marketing is not via e-blasts, facebook, myspace, etc...it's word of mouth. The first place people will think about going the next week is the last place they remember having a good time. Clubs, like any other business owner, need to make their customers' experience memorable. This is how you create customer loyalty and brand awareness.
There's another one right down the street!
The old mantra, first impressions are everything still hold true when it comes to business and marketing. When you have an event, its about the complete experience from beginning to end. This begins at the door! If your guests are greeted with mean mugging bouncers, ego maniac promoters and are ushered into the club like a herd of elephants, what do you think they'll expect the rest of their experience will be like? The reality is, there is another club right down the street that's offering the same thing you are. Your guests are just that...guests. They are your clients, customers and essentially should be treated like family. They should feel welcomed. The goal here is for them to come back again and again and again. You want your guests to develop the "Cheers" mentality, "where everybody knows your name". Where regulars are valued and newcomers are embraced. What makes your party special is not the fancy font you use on your flyers, or the celeb you get to host/make an appearance at your party, or the catchy slogan you use to get peoples attention when they're sifting through their spam mail. What makes your party special is the no line, no wait, the DJ that you can't stand b/c he's making you sweat your hair out but love b/c he's forcing you to put that 9 to 5 up on the shelf, the club owner that knows you by name b/c he sat at the bar and took shots with you last week, and the well worth it hangover you have the day after.
Pop a bottle to pop that bootie
Pay to play has taken on a whole new meaning when it comes to the business of throwing parties. While it is certainly a viable means of making additional income, the goal has shifted from throwing parties to making money. When your goal is the simply the latter its a recipe for disaster. I'll admit as a woman I've gotten off easy when it came to having to shell out a lot of money at clubs. But when I got wind that they were charging guys $40 and upwward to $80 bucks to get in, I figured out the reason why the women ALWAYS outnumber the men in the club...it's b/c most working men are not going to pay the high priced admission. Once you're in, your next mission is to get into VIP, because that is truly where the party is at. If you are buying a bottle (well nowadays its more like a 2 bottle minimum)you do not have to stand in line, you don't pay a cover, you get the undivided attention of a cocktail waitress, the DJ will shout you are your guests out all night, and you will get a personal visit from the manager or promoter. All while the general admission guests stare upon you from the stagnant dance floor wishing they could join the party.
While I'm getting close to the age where I'm almost the old chick in the club...I still have hope that the days of the Sinibar, Biology Bar, Red Line, Funky Buddha, Slicks, Minx's, etc... will resurface and give us back the PARTY. The $10 all night, the eternal girls night out spot, the you already know where I'm going to be at spot, the I can't wear that this week b/c I wore it last week spot, the I got stories for days about that spot, the every picture I got is in front of that same wall at the club spot, the I got my cardio in for the week in one night spot....the I don't care if I'm almost 30, I still want to jack my body spot.
Bring us back our party spot!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Letting the Past dictate your Future
This was particularly interesting weekend for me. These days it seems like every weekend is...This weekend my past came back to haunt me, as it was the anniversary of one of the most painful times in my life.
Over the years I've developed a pretty tough exterior, but have yet to conquer what's really going on inside, which often results in a temporary shut-down - causing me to relive something that I've repressed. One of my weaknesses is my faith in people. If someone new comes into my life that I get a sense of good energy from, I completely open up to them and as a result I am completely trusting and have faith that outside of anything else, they are "good people". Well history has proven me wrong on several occassions, not neccesarily telling me that these weren't good people, but that I probably shouldn't have that much faith in people. I can't help to think that people are innately "good", but what I am learning is that everyone has their own agenda and you may not be privy to what's on it, and as a result somewhere in the mix, signals will get crossed and someone will get disappointed.
We often get caught up in our pasts, which means we really haven't addressed those feelings or completly let them go. As a result we project those stale feelings onto others. Anything can trigger them. This weekend mine were definitely triggered, which put a dagger into where I already was in that moment and made it tens times worse. Today I realize that I sabotaged myself, re-opening a door to something that probably should've stayed closed and inviting something into my life that is not in line with what's good for me right now...
I allowed something from a year ago, bring me back to a place I should've never revisited. Why do we go back to those feelings, maybe b/c we never really dealt with them or b/c we see ourselves headed to that same place, that caused us to be in that situation in the first place. Sometimes we don't realize that we perpetuate cycles, we get so used to a particular behavior within ourselves and in other people, that we unconsciously act that out over and over again in our lives. God could put everything in front of us showing us that you do not want to go down that road again, but we will continue to forge through as if he hadn't said anything at all. Well last night he slapped me across the face...and send me a message loud and clear.
The past is exactly that, the past. When you've let go of something don't go looking for it again. There's a reason that it no longer exists as a part of your life. Think of how much better your life is b/c that thing or person is not in it! Letting the past dictate your future is a set-up for failure. Live your life for tomorrow and not yesterday, last month or last year. There are so many great things yet to come.
Over the years I've developed a pretty tough exterior, but have yet to conquer what's really going on inside, which often results in a temporary shut-down - causing me to relive something that I've repressed. One of my weaknesses is my faith in people. If someone new comes into my life that I get a sense of good energy from, I completely open up to them and as a result I am completely trusting and have faith that outside of anything else, they are "good people". Well history has proven me wrong on several occassions, not neccesarily telling me that these weren't good people, but that I probably shouldn't have that much faith in people. I can't help to think that people are innately "good", but what I am learning is that everyone has their own agenda and you may not be privy to what's on it, and as a result somewhere in the mix, signals will get crossed and someone will get disappointed.
We often get caught up in our pasts, which means we really haven't addressed those feelings or completly let them go. As a result we project those stale feelings onto others. Anything can trigger them. This weekend mine were definitely triggered, which put a dagger into where I already was in that moment and made it tens times worse. Today I realize that I sabotaged myself, re-opening a door to something that probably should've stayed closed and inviting something into my life that is not in line with what's good for me right now...
I allowed something from a year ago, bring me back to a place I should've never revisited. Why do we go back to those feelings, maybe b/c we never really dealt with them or b/c we see ourselves headed to that same place, that caused us to be in that situation in the first place. Sometimes we don't realize that we perpetuate cycles, we get so used to a particular behavior within ourselves and in other people, that we unconsciously act that out over and over again in our lives. God could put everything in front of us showing us that you do not want to go down that road again, but we will continue to forge through as if he hadn't said anything at all. Well last night he slapped me across the face...and send me a message loud and clear.
The past is exactly that, the past. When you've let go of something don't go looking for it again. There's a reason that it no longer exists as a part of your life. Think of how much better your life is b/c that thing or person is not in it! Letting the past dictate your future is a set-up for failure. Live your life for tomorrow and not yesterday, last month or last year. There are so many great things yet to come.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
What's Your Number, What's Your Sign?
This year is the first time in 6 years, that I've been single and let me tell you it's indeed a dating game. Over the past year, I think I may have met every type of guy there is; and the end result has either been the wrong guy at the right time, the right guy at the wrong time, the guy that's just looking for a good time or that guy that's not good for any time. More often than not I find myself begin happy with no guy at any time!
I'm at a point in my life where substance is everything, but unfortunately in this day and age there's so much pretense, dishonesty and ingenuity out there with both men and women. I find that women spend so much time talking about what they don't want in a man and and men spend so much time not being ready. For those of us inching up on the "dirty thirties", I'm sure you can relate with one of these:
Women
1. The "I'm too sexy for my dress" girl
The quintessential "pretty girl"; looks good on your arm, but you'd pay her to not say a word! These women have lots going for them on the surface, they're pretty, educated, seemingly independent, no kids. However, what's seems great on the surface does not necessarily translate on the inside. More often than not this woman is needy, while she can afford to take care of herself, she much rather prefer for you to take her to only the best restaurants, will only sit in VIP in the club and expects nice gifts and trips as a standard. She has more baggage than your normal woman and will be remind you every time she sees you how you must right the wrongs of the past men in her life. A typical conversation with her will most likely be about the latest reality show on BET or the celebrity you all saw out in the club the week before. For most guys, this won't last long. While her looks will spark their interest it likely won't go any deeper than that.
2. The Down to Earth, wifey material, but not right now girl
"I love her cause she got her own". This girl has everything going for her, nice looking, got some swagger, educated, you can talk to her about anything, hanging with her is like hanging with one of the guys. she's damn near everything you were looking for, but....damn your just not ready. It's likely that the guy will try to keep things basic with her and not go too deep b/c he knows where it will head...but he just can't seem to let her go. Eventually, she'll catch feelings and he won't be ready to commit b/c he doesn't want to end up hurting her. She'll decide to walk away disappointed, but both will keep each other in the back of their minds as a future option and wonder what could've come from it.
3. The bitter, all men are dogs, but I still want one...bad girl
These women are always ranting and raving about how there are no good men out there, but are the first ones in line at the club with their freakum girl dress on! She's fly, and she knows it and will tell you the first time she meets you. Most conversations with her will be about her exe's. She'll have some stalker tendencies and will show her jealous side early on. For most guys this will be a red flag, and they'll scatter quicker than a family of roaches when you cut the lights on. She'll earn a bad rep as the "crazy chic" and she'll be wonder why guys stopped approaching her.
Men
1. The R&B dude (got this title from a friend)
Someone once said to me that they hate it when they go to the club and see guys in suits standing at the bar swirling around a glass of wine, they don't dance, and will stare a women down, but will never go talk to her. This is that guy that wears sun glasses in the club and will only buy a bottle if that means he can be surrounded by some pretty girls. It's likely that he's spending his rent money on the bottle, but for him it's an investment, right? This is the guy that us ladies meet when we're out he's fine and sexy and appears to have his stuff together. He's saying all the right things and even forgos the 3 day or more wait before he calls you. He calls that Monday in the afternoon asking to take you to lunch! Great, right? Yes, until he starts the story about how he works in "construction" and how his mom is "living with him" and how his 3 month old baby is the love of his life. Some women may choose to stick it out, why not give him a chance right? Well it's likely that 3 months later, he's moved in with you, is out of work and wants you to babysit his kid. Ok I rambled a bit on this one, but believe it or not, these men DO exist, lol.
2. The "One", who refuses to commit, and will be ready as soon as.....
Ok, so finally, it's happened, you've met the guy who has just about everything you've always wanted. He's attractive, ambitious, intelligent, street smart, well traveled, career oriented, charming, has great friends and family and he's like your best friend, you've opened up to him in ways that you haven't with anyone else. So what's the catch? "I enjoy spending time with you, I really like you, but...I'm just not ready" he says. WTF, we think to ourselves right? While most women beg for honesty and now we get that, we refuse to just walk away from this. So as we start picking out dresses for our weddings 1 month into dating, he's showing you better than he can tell you that's he's not ready. After trying to hang in there for a while, we realize that the only one who'll get hurt in this scenario is us, so we reluctantly take 10 steps back. This guy is likely to hold his ground and is not really concerned about finding the one, b/c he knows he's a catch. In some cases if you were the right one, when they're ready they'll have you in the lineup...lol But for the most part for them it'll be out of site out of mind.
3. The Love your Dirty Drawls guy.
This guy is cool, he's always there for you when you need him, maybe he wasn't your type at first, but you grew to like him. While you've been waiting for someone to give you that attention that you deserve, this guy may be pushing it. He calls you at least 6 times a day, this includes a text a 7am right when you're hitting the snooze button. He wants to spend every weekend with you, takes you on trips, takes you to all his family functions, your mom is crazy about him, he tells you how beautiful you are daily, he send you flowers at work, remembers what your favorite color is, make plans for you two to do thing 3 months out...Sound wonderful huh? Yeah, but there's just something about him....that just doesn't do it for you. These men are the ones that say, you women will have a good man right in front of you, but you walk around here saying that are the good ones are taken. He's waving his flag in air, saying "Here I am". But, yeah no, he's still not doing it for you. For some women its about more than that, it's about who captures your attention, then captures your heart, then makes you work for it, then gives you back even more. Women want love, but it doesn't necessarily have to be that easy. Love is at its best when you're both vulnerable and it feels good just as much as it hurts. Whats successful without struggle right? We will end up leaving this guy, b/c he's just no the "One". However some women will keep him on speed dial, when their egos need to be fed or when they're lonely.
Disclaimer: This are all "hypothetical" people based on stories that I've heard, so do with them what you will...lol
I walk away from this feeling like we've all played one of these characters at some point and can probably identify with one if not all of them. For me and relationships I always find myself analyzing the person, whether if it's to pull a lesson from that experience or re-evaluate what it is I'm looking for. But what I have to always remind myself of is that people are individuals there are no two people alike. Dating is about getting to know the person and whether or not you "organically" match, it should just "feel" right.
There are 2 things, that I value in this whole dating thing, My number - I DO NOT give my number nor a fake number out just for the hell of it or just b/c a guy asks. I only do so if I am genuinely interested in someone and if something about them intrigued me. Oh and I delete numbers too, if this isn't going anywhere and we've both established that's its best to let it go, then the number gets deleted. The second thing is...What's your sign? Every time I meet a guy and tell my mom about him, the first question she asks is what's his sign, from there she goes on to tell me whether or not its going to work. At first I thought she was crazy, but eventually I realized, that she was always on point! So now I always ask What's you sign? not that it dictates my relationship with that person, but I believe that while you're in the process of getting to know someone, it can give you a glimpse into what to expect.
So, my almost thirty lady friends, don't get frustrated and discouraged, God has made something especially for YOU, And when he feels like you're ready for him, he will give him to you.
And for the fellas, ok, you got your stuff together, but remember a good women, "that one" only comes around once in a lifetime, so while you're launching your third business venture or planning your next guys trip, you may be missing out on Gods gift to you...
Happy Dating people!
I'm at a point in my life where substance is everything, but unfortunately in this day and age there's so much pretense, dishonesty and ingenuity out there with both men and women. I find that women spend so much time talking about what they don't want in a man and and men spend so much time not being ready. For those of us inching up on the "dirty thirties", I'm sure you can relate with one of these:
Women
1. The "I'm too sexy for my dress" girl
The quintessential "pretty girl"; looks good on your arm, but you'd pay her to not say a word! These women have lots going for them on the surface, they're pretty, educated, seemingly independent, no kids. However, what's seems great on the surface does not necessarily translate on the inside. More often than not this woman is needy, while she can afford to take care of herself, she much rather prefer for you to take her to only the best restaurants, will only sit in VIP in the club and expects nice gifts and trips as a standard. She has more baggage than your normal woman and will be remind you every time she sees you how you must right the wrongs of the past men in her life. A typical conversation with her will most likely be about the latest reality show on BET or the celebrity you all saw out in the club the week before. For most guys, this won't last long. While her looks will spark their interest it likely won't go any deeper than that.
2. The Down to Earth, wifey material, but not right now girl
"I love her cause she got her own". This girl has everything going for her, nice looking, got some swagger, educated, you can talk to her about anything, hanging with her is like hanging with one of the guys. she's damn near everything you were looking for, but....damn your just not ready. It's likely that the guy will try to keep things basic with her and not go too deep b/c he knows where it will head...but he just can't seem to let her go. Eventually, she'll catch feelings and he won't be ready to commit b/c he doesn't want to end up hurting her. She'll decide to walk away disappointed, but both will keep each other in the back of their minds as a future option and wonder what could've come from it.
3. The bitter, all men are dogs, but I still want one...bad girl
These women are always ranting and raving about how there are no good men out there, but are the first ones in line at the club with their freakum girl dress on! She's fly, and she knows it and will tell you the first time she meets you. Most conversations with her will be about her exe's. She'll have some stalker tendencies and will show her jealous side early on. For most guys this will be a red flag, and they'll scatter quicker than a family of roaches when you cut the lights on. She'll earn a bad rep as the "crazy chic" and she'll be wonder why guys stopped approaching her.
Men
1. The R&B dude (got this title from a friend)
Someone once said to me that they hate it when they go to the club and see guys in suits standing at the bar swirling around a glass of wine, they don't dance, and will stare a women down, but will never go talk to her. This is that guy that wears sun glasses in the club and will only buy a bottle if that means he can be surrounded by some pretty girls. It's likely that he's spending his rent money on the bottle, but for him it's an investment, right? This is the guy that us ladies meet when we're out he's fine and sexy and appears to have his stuff together. He's saying all the right things and even forgos the 3 day or more wait before he calls you. He calls that Monday in the afternoon asking to take you to lunch! Great, right? Yes, until he starts the story about how he works in "construction" and how his mom is "living with him" and how his 3 month old baby is the love of his life. Some women may choose to stick it out, why not give him a chance right? Well it's likely that 3 months later, he's moved in with you, is out of work and wants you to babysit his kid. Ok I rambled a bit on this one, but believe it or not, these men DO exist, lol.
2. The "One", who refuses to commit, and will be ready as soon as.....
Ok, so finally, it's happened, you've met the guy who has just about everything you've always wanted. He's attractive, ambitious, intelligent, street smart, well traveled, career oriented, charming, has great friends and family and he's like your best friend, you've opened up to him in ways that you haven't with anyone else. So what's the catch? "I enjoy spending time with you, I really like you, but...I'm just not ready" he says. WTF, we think to ourselves right? While most women beg for honesty and now we get that, we refuse to just walk away from this. So as we start picking out dresses for our weddings 1 month into dating, he's showing you better than he can tell you that's he's not ready. After trying to hang in there for a while, we realize that the only one who'll get hurt in this scenario is us, so we reluctantly take 10 steps back. This guy is likely to hold his ground and is not really concerned about finding the one, b/c he knows he's a catch. In some cases if you were the right one, when they're ready they'll have you in the lineup...lol But for the most part for them it'll be out of site out of mind.
3. The Love your Dirty Drawls guy.
This guy is cool, he's always there for you when you need him, maybe he wasn't your type at first, but you grew to like him. While you've been waiting for someone to give you that attention that you deserve, this guy may be pushing it. He calls you at least 6 times a day, this includes a text a 7am right when you're hitting the snooze button. He wants to spend every weekend with you, takes you on trips, takes you to all his family functions, your mom is crazy about him, he tells you how beautiful you are daily, he send you flowers at work, remembers what your favorite color is, make plans for you two to do thing 3 months out...Sound wonderful huh? Yeah, but there's just something about him....that just doesn't do it for you. These men are the ones that say, you women will have a good man right in front of you, but you walk around here saying that are the good ones are taken. He's waving his flag in air, saying "Here I am". But, yeah no, he's still not doing it for you. For some women its about more than that, it's about who captures your attention, then captures your heart, then makes you work for it, then gives you back even more. Women want love, but it doesn't necessarily have to be that easy. Love is at its best when you're both vulnerable and it feels good just as much as it hurts. Whats successful without struggle right? We will end up leaving this guy, b/c he's just no the "One". However some women will keep him on speed dial, when their egos need to be fed or when they're lonely.
Disclaimer: This are all "hypothetical" people based on stories that I've heard, so do with them what you will...lol
I walk away from this feeling like we've all played one of these characters at some point and can probably identify with one if not all of them. For me and relationships I always find myself analyzing the person, whether if it's to pull a lesson from that experience or re-evaluate what it is I'm looking for. But what I have to always remind myself of is that people are individuals there are no two people alike. Dating is about getting to know the person and whether or not you "organically" match, it should just "feel" right.
There are 2 things, that I value in this whole dating thing, My number - I DO NOT give my number nor a fake number out just for the hell of it or just b/c a guy asks. I only do so if I am genuinely interested in someone and if something about them intrigued me. Oh and I delete numbers too, if this isn't going anywhere and we've both established that's its best to let it go, then the number gets deleted. The second thing is...What's your sign? Every time I meet a guy and tell my mom about him, the first question she asks is what's his sign, from there she goes on to tell me whether or not its going to work. At first I thought she was crazy, but eventually I realized, that she was always on point! So now I always ask What's you sign? not that it dictates my relationship with that person, but I believe that while you're in the process of getting to know someone, it can give you a glimpse into what to expect.
So, my almost thirty lady friends, don't get frustrated and discouraged, God has made something especially for YOU, And when he feels like you're ready for him, he will give him to you.
And for the fellas, ok, you got your stuff together, but remember a good women, "that one" only comes around once in a lifetime, so while you're launching your third business venture or planning your next guys trip, you may be missing out on Gods gift to you...
Happy Dating people!
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