I am Who I Say I Am.

We are all works in progress. I have to remind myself of that daily. We spend most of our young adult lives trying to figure ourselves out and stay true to who we "think" we are, which can change overnight...We face life circumstances and run into situations that question our integrity, our character and the person that we've known outselves to be, but what's important is that we are present to being who we say we are.

I am a full blown scropio, I am passionate, amibitous, persistent, stubborn, observant, inquisitive and yes, I've accepted that I can also be mean at times. But, the great thing is, I am present to all of that and apologize for none of it. What my biggest pet peeve about people is when they create this ideal "self" in their minds that doesn't always translate into their "real" self.

When I meet new people, I am extremely observant, I pay close attention to what comes out of their mouths and what their actions say. This is difficult to do, because the mind can play tricks on you. If someone tells you something and does something different your mind references what was said, then at that point the confusion surfaces and its a mess! I think one of the biggest issues in any relationship, whether its work, family or love, is COMMUNICATION. People are not saying how they "really" feel for whatever reason. Whether they're trying to spare someones feelings, be politically correct or save face. Now don't get me wrong there should always be filters, but let's master the art of saying what you need to say with finesse, instead of mastering the art of bullshitting.

"It's not you it's me"
"We've decide to go in a different direction"
"I'm busy"
"I've made my decision...but are you ok with that?"
"I can't make it...I have to work late, or wash my hair, or etc..."

These are what I call bullshit phrases. These are things people say, when they don't really want to say what's real. Saying that it is in your character to be an honest person, dependable, kind hearted and considerate does not translate if you use these phrases. How about instead of, "it's not you. it's me", say we just aren't a good fit. Or instead of an employer saying we've decided to go in a different direction, say you're just not what we're looking for...and don't say you're busy, just say that that's just not something you're interested in taking time out for right now. At first this sounds easy and some of us are reluctant to even pay close enough attention to the fact that we're saying these things. But when you are present to what you're saying and realize that what you say to people is a reflection of who you claim to be, our communication with one another will improve.

You know how people always say, i want to get to know you, not your representative...imagine if people showed up as themselves...? Crazy idea right? What if it didn't take 6 months for you to get to know who someone really was? Ladies what if a guy showed up and laid it all out on the table, imperfections and all? and what if women would just say what they wanted and who they really were in the beginning instead of expecting guys to read their minds or see their unpleasant side, distrustful side later?

If we outline for ourselves...this is who I want to be. And I'm talking about character not professionally. I want to be an honest person, I want my actions to speak for themselves, I want to be driven, etc... In addition, be clear about who you are right now and how your everyday actions reflect that. Don't say I'm a honest person, then tell a lie in the next hour, or say I am driven, then quit something w/o even really trying. Be present to that, if you are honest, when the time comes where you have to choose between lying and telling the truth (with finesse), say to yourself I am commited to being who I say I am, so...

We need to do better, we spend a lot of time focusing on our careers, families and other life commitments. We need to make our character a focus as well. It defines who you are inside of your life commitments. If you don't find yourself you will lose yourself. If you're not clear about who you are, how can you expect anyone else to get to know you.

It's ok, to not be there yet, it takes some people a lifetime to get there. But it has to start somewhere, right?