Ever catch yourself crying or so upset or frustrated about something...or stressing about something that completely takes you outside of who you are...Sometimes, the next day we look back and not even remember what we were obsessing about. Sometimes I get taken back to trying to control everything and overthinking things. The older I've gotten I've learned how to filter out what's important to me and what doesn't deserve my energy. These days the preservation of my energy is really a focus. There's so much power in how you use is, or fail to use it. Undirected or wasted energy is so draining~and energy focused in the right places, just feels right. For me a balanced mind, heart, body and soul is what keeps me grounded. Most of the times all of those things aren't always in sink and its evident in my energy.
I started to think today, if there's ever been a time in my life where I've felt completely liberated? I'm talking about feeling free, happy for no specific reason, when your heart is smiling, your body feel undescribable sensations and your soul is fed? I've had moments, but I've never really felt completely liberated. Sometimes those moments feel so good that you don't ever want to lose them, but they come and go so randomly outside of your control that you can't pinpoint where they came from or how to get them back.
In my career I feel liberated when my hard work is noticed, or when new opportunities arise or when I'm inspired to push beyond my limits. In love, I'm liberated when I don't have to ask for anything and all of my needs are met, when time stands still and nothing else even matters. My body is liberated when I feel sexy, unrestrained, after a good workout when all the right places ache and feel good at the same time. And my soul, my soul is liberated when life happens organically, without me trying to control it and God happens.
When all of those things come together, life is easy.
These days I'm so much more conscientious when I'm inside of these moments than when I'm out of them, I hold on to what I feel so I can remember that feeling when its come. My goal in life is for those moments to last forever. While I know its something i cant control, I am certain that if I focus my energy in the right directions, at the right people, right circumstances - my liberation will last a lifetime.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Ain't nothing wrong with dreaming...(Erykah Badu, Next Lifetime)
While Erykah was referring to love in her "Next Lifetime" song, whenever I hear those lyrics I think of a fresh minded young woman ten years ago, that had never heard of impossible. Now when I look back on the things I've accomplished, by God's grace of course, I'm smittened by my tenatiousness and determiniation.
As we get older our dreams become few and far in between. We stand in our own way, debating why it couldn't work rather than figuring out what will make it work. There's nothing sweeter than seeing someone accomplish their dreams, it makes my heart smile, because I know what it feels like.
Now years later, we find ourselves stuck in the monotony of complacency and contenment and living to work and working to eat, but not living to...well, LIVE. What's life without dreams, something to aspire to? I'm intrigued watching friends and family clamour and stress over their careers and finiding jobs, when the reality is, once you find it, is it really what you want to be doing, what you're supposed to be doing? A dream does not have to neccesarily be tied to your career, but nowadays society is so wrapped up in money that it often goes hand and hand.
A dream can be taking off for a year and traveling the world...starting your own business doing something you absolutuely love no matter how silly it may be...pursuing a professional sport or acting or dancing...the sweet things about dreams are that they can be anything you want them to be.
Sometimes I lye awake at night, trying to remember when exactly I stopped dreaming. Maybe it was somewhere between working full time and pursuing my masters degree or searching for my ideal job...or digging my way out of debt, or being so caught up in just trying to get by.
As I watch the email icon pop up on my computer at work and take this call that's coming through and contemplate on whether or not I can make it through one more day of work, I can say that by taking these 5 minutes out of my day to write this, I'm that much more closer to realizing my dreams, whatever they may be. They say speaking things into existence is the best way to seeing them through to coming true. My dreams include: Having a full-time work from anywhere in the world career, spending a quarter or the year in different parts of the world, doing something in philanthropy that helps women and girls realize their worth, becoming a business women, and sharing all of this with the man of my dreams and children (all God Willing)
Sweet dreams people.
~T
As we get older our dreams become few and far in between. We stand in our own way, debating why it couldn't work rather than figuring out what will make it work. There's nothing sweeter than seeing someone accomplish their dreams, it makes my heart smile, because I know what it feels like.
Now years later, we find ourselves stuck in the monotony of complacency and contenment and living to work and working to eat, but not living to...well, LIVE. What's life without dreams, something to aspire to? I'm intrigued watching friends and family clamour and stress over their careers and finiding jobs, when the reality is, once you find it, is it really what you want to be doing, what you're supposed to be doing? A dream does not have to neccesarily be tied to your career, but nowadays society is so wrapped up in money that it often goes hand and hand.
A dream can be taking off for a year and traveling the world...starting your own business doing something you absolutuely love no matter how silly it may be...pursuing a professional sport or acting or dancing...the sweet things about dreams are that they can be anything you want them to be.
Sometimes I lye awake at night, trying to remember when exactly I stopped dreaming. Maybe it was somewhere between working full time and pursuing my masters degree or searching for my ideal job...or digging my way out of debt, or being so caught up in just trying to get by.
As I watch the email icon pop up on my computer at work and take this call that's coming through and contemplate on whether or not I can make it through one more day of work, I can say that by taking these 5 minutes out of my day to write this, I'm that much more closer to realizing my dreams, whatever they may be. They say speaking things into existence is the best way to seeing them through to coming true. My dreams include: Having a full-time work from anywhere in the world career, spending a quarter or the year in different parts of the world, doing something in philanthropy that helps women and girls realize their worth, becoming a business women, and sharing all of this with the man of my dreams and children (all God Willing)
Sweet dreams people.
~T
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Stuck
The Pursuit of Happiness for me has a strong correlation with my career, or lack there of. I've worked hard over the past 7 years, capitalizing on my strengths and carving out what I guess is supposed to be considered a career. What is a career? A job that you specialize in and build your professional life around? All that's cool, but what I find lacking is the passion and purpose. Is there a such thing as having a career that you're passionate about, that you wake up in the morning and you can't wait to get to, that offers you just as many challenges and triumphs? That gives you some purpose...well not just professionally, but in life. I always say the best job/career is one where you never feel like you're at work. Imagine the times in your life where you were the happiest, where you felt like you were learning something and were challenged, where you were apart of establishing or contributing to its growth...what were you doing?
That's how I believe we get to our Passion/Purpose filled careers. I can't imagine living the rest of my life not loving what I do everyday. Most of us spend over 2000 hours a year working....with all of this time in your life spent working, you have to be happy!
We either has to find passion in what we're doing or do something we are passionate about. We are all where we are because God has led us there, make sense of that and move forward accordingly.
That's how I believe we get to our Passion/Purpose filled careers. I can't imagine living the rest of my life not loving what I do everyday. Most of us spend over 2000 hours a year working....with all of this time in your life spent working, you have to be happy!
We either has to find passion in what we're doing or do something we are passionate about. We are all where we are because God has led us there, make sense of that and move forward accordingly.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Love is here...
I used to believe in love like I believed in the Tooth Fair or Santa Claus. Like it was this imaginary things, that as long as I you believed in it, it existed. Over the past few years, I'd taught myself to not believe any more. Lifes' circumstances caused me to run away from it, instead of embracing it. There are varying levels of love; there are generic versions of it...where it sounds good to say it, but whats behind it is not really genuine. Then there's that love that's expressed and felt without words, you just feel it and attract it, because you live it. I'd thought I'd mastered the first version. Thought that if I avoided it and tried not to feel it, then my heart would be protected. While I knew that this would make me feel like something was missing in my life, I'd be ok - it was better than being/feeling hurt, right?
One night I was out having a drink with a friend and this guy started talking to me. In between the drunken jibberish, the obviously intelligent young and drunk professor said something to me...he asked me my name...and I replied - Tanisha, he said ahhh, you know what your name means right? and I replied, No. He said your name means..."Love is here". Really? I replied. Now while I couldn't totally taken this as a drunken pick-up line , there was some sincerity in what he said and I believed him. Sometimes, a stranger can say the most irrelevant thing to you and it can actually be God speaking through them. Now, while after much research I didn't find anything confirming his claim...but something about what he said spoke to me.
Love IS here, and while we all go through certain things that have us doubt it's existence. Like Santa Claus it still represents something more than just being a word. After that day, my heart opened up again for the first time in a few years, and I'm slowly remembering that Love is a part of who I am. The innate sense that I have to want people to be cared for is something that's a aprt of me...it's love.
Love is finding its way back into my life...and I'm ready for it~
One night I was out having a drink with a friend and this guy started talking to me. In between the drunken jibberish, the obviously intelligent young and drunk professor said something to me...he asked me my name...and I replied - Tanisha, he said ahhh, you know what your name means right? and I replied, No. He said your name means..."Love is here". Really? I replied. Now while I couldn't totally taken this as a drunken pick-up line , there was some sincerity in what he said and I believed him. Sometimes, a stranger can say the most irrelevant thing to you and it can actually be God speaking through them. Now, while after much research I didn't find anything confirming his claim...but something about what he said spoke to me.
Love IS here, and while we all go through certain things that have us doubt it's existence. Like Santa Claus it still represents something more than just being a word. After that day, my heart opened up again for the first time in a few years, and I'm slowly remembering that Love is a part of who I am. The innate sense that I have to want people to be cared for is something that's a aprt of me...it's love.
Love is finding its way back into my life...and I'm ready for it~
Energy...
Today, I am restoring my energy. It's amazing how you can walk into a blessed filled day and then the next minute something can completely destroy your energy. My energy dictates my way of being, I've surrounded myself with people and situations that contribute to maintaining a balanced energy. It puts me in a place where I just feel good. Having a balanced and blessed energy is important to me. So I spent much of last night praying and trying to restore, realizing that it may take days, but confident that the I'd get there.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
When I Grow Up!
Who knew that at the tender age of 28, I would still be trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Sometimes the not so gentle reality hits me and I realize that I'm already "all grown up", then I panic because maybe this is something I should've settled on already. But then my more calm, less controlling self chimes in and reminds me that I am " a work in progress" we all are. There is no point of completion when it comes to defining what's to come of your life...career...love life...etc...As long as you're traveling on a road that's continuously moving, you're on the right track.
What's become clear to me, is that I can't define my path, God has to do that for me. He puts things in front of us and people in our path that are meant to affect who we are and where we're going. For me, there are three essential elements that you should incorporate into your life plan and look out for to further define what you and God are working to create:
1. Your Inner Circle - Substance and Quality are key when it comes to the people you surround yourself with. You can have 158,896.2 Facebook friends, but of them how many can contribute anything to your life as a person, a woman/man, your spirituality, health, career, your soul? Keep counting, I can wait...What you'll find is that there are very few and if there are some, have you taken the time to reach out to them to begin to foster a connection that's more meaningful than occasionally replying to each others wall post? There are people out there, they have the career you want or that have connections that can get you there, people who may be your soul mate, or have have a relationship with God and can help you get closer. Build strong allies with you inner circle, help them help you! God puts people in front of us for a reason, determine what their purpose is in your life and latch on to that and create the inevitable - what God has planned for you.
2. Don't Come Up for Air - You have to keep going! Yes, you got your degree...what else, Yes, you've found your husband...what else...yes you love your job..what else? There is ALWAYS something else. Never be content in just "good enough". Imagine how much more you can do? Yes, navigating through everything and figuring out what's next is difficult but keep at it...because you'll never truly be fulfilled until you get there. The journey is what gets my adrenaline going! I get amped up off of what's to come, knowing that there's something next...It's a great feeling when you don't know what to expect, but you know its going to be something great...like a surprise party. Make that list, and keep checking things off - when you get to a point where you're having trouble figuring out what else...because you've accomplished EVERYTHING, that's a good place to be in, but it's still not over, because there's always something else!
3. You Deserve It! Sometimes we get so caught up in doing, that we don't take the time to reflect what we've accomplished and how much we deserve do much more! I'm not narcissistic or anything, but sometimes I have to stop and tell myself, girl, you're the shit! and I don't mean physically, but mentally, spiritually, emotionally, all that! I look at how far I've come, and I revel in the fact that, here I am, so much more closer to the woman I've always dreamed of becoming. It's funny, the other day at the gas station this older gentleman, maybe in his 60's, middle class looking guy was pumping his gas, and said "how are you doing sister?" and I replied, "fine", he said " you are really beautiful". I don't know what but I'm always surprised when people say that to me. And he wasn't saying that to flirt or anything, he just wanted me to know. Sometimes I think that's God sending us friendly reminders...
I'm no expert in life, but I know a little about a lot of things. I use these things to move me forward and I always like to share where I am i the process. I hope this brings you closer to answering that question you're 1st grade teacher asked you decades ago...What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
What's become clear to me, is that I can't define my path, God has to do that for me. He puts things in front of us and people in our path that are meant to affect who we are and where we're going. For me, there are three essential elements that you should incorporate into your life plan and look out for to further define what you and God are working to create:
1. Your Inner Circle - Substance and Quality are key when it comes to the people you surround yourself with. You can have 158,896.2 Facebook friends, but of them how many can contribute anything to your life as a person, a woman/man, your spirituality, health, career, your soul? Keep counting, I can wait...What you'll find is that there are very few and if there are some, have you taken the time to reach out to them to begin to foster a connection that's more meaningful than occasionally replying to each others wall post? There are people out there, they have the career you want or that have connections that can get you there, people who may be your soul mate, or have have a relationship with God and can help you get closer. Build strong allies with you inner circle, help them help you! God puts people in front of us for a reason, determine what their purpose is in your life and latch on to that and create the inevitable - what God has planned for you.
2. Don't Come Up for Air - You have to keep going! Yes, you got your degree...what else, Yes, you've found your husband...what else...yes you love your job..what else? There is ALWAYS something else. Never be content in just "good enough". Imagine how much more you can do? Yes, navigating through everything and figuring out what's next is difficult but keep at it...because you'll never truly be fulfilled until you get there. The journey is what gets my adrenaline going! I get amped up off of what's to come, knowing that there's something next...It's a great feeling when you don't know what to expect, but you know its going to be something great...like a surprise party. Make that list, and keep checking things off - when you get to a point where you're having trouble figuring out what else...because you've accomplished EVERYTHING, that's a good place to be in, but it's still not over, because there's always something else!
3. You Deserve It! Sometimes we get so caught up in doing, that we don't take the time to reflect what we've accomplished and how much we deserve do much more! I'm not narcissistic or anything, but sometimes I have to stop and tell myself, girl, you're the shit! and I don't mean physically, but mentally, spiritually, emotionally, all that! I look at how far I've come, and I revel in the fact that, here I am, so much more closer to the woman I've always dreamed of becoming. It's funny, the other day at the gas station this older gentleman, maybe in his 60's, middle class looking guy was pumping his gas, and said "how are you doing sister?" and I replied, "fine", he said " you are really beautiful". I don't know what but I'm always surprised when people say that to me. And he wasn't saying that to flirt or anything, he just wanted me to know. Sometimes I think that's God sending us friendly reminders...
I'm no expert in life, but I know a little about a lot of things. I use these things to move me forward and I always like to share where I am i the process. I hope this brings you closer to answering that question you're 1st grade teacher asked you decades ago...What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Act Like A Lady...Think Like A Lady!
I get frown lines on my forehead just typing that title, because it makes me think of how much I despise the idea of a 40/50 something year old...divorced...comedian writing a book trying to school women on how to think and act. Before you go on your rampage, my friends tell me...read the book...! Ok, maybe they're right, before you go to judge you should do your research...yeah, but my semi-feminist/women centric spirit, won't let me!
As I've gotten older, I've seen some drastic changes in the way I think about men. I think growing up you tend to look at men as these foreign creatures that are so unlike us and so hard to figure out. What's funny, is now, it's just the opposite for me, they're so easy to read and now I look at them as little boys...trying to find their way through the world and figure out how to be men! They are traveling the same journey as women are and when we can start to look at them as "human" is when we'll get them.
Ladies, what makes us so special is that we are indeed ladies! Why would you want to think like a man? That's not intrinsically who we are? It goes against the laws of nature and it encourages us to create this persona or way of thinking that's not true to who we are! You read this book and take in depth notes of how you "should" act or think like a man to get...what result? What will thinking like a man get you? You'll practice those techniques and they may work for a while, but what happens when your "true-self" comes out? Because it will.
When the frenzy about this new book hit the market, women were sleeping with it next to their beds like it was a bible! Ladies, what type of direction are you looking for that you'd hold this book in such high regard. Now, I'm by no means saying that Steve Harvey is not a credible source...it's just his opinions right? and I'm not saying that his book is any different from any other self help books, but there's something so disempowering to me about a book that encourages women to not be what God intended for them to be...WOMEN.
There is a reason why men love us so much, why all of our quirks and imperfections are so beautiful to them, why change that? There are so many empowering things woman can practice, that can help them become better women! Better women to themselves first! Then better mothers, sisters and friends...
Here are my self help tips:
1. Act Like a Lady...Think Like a Lady...
That's it!
As I've gotten older, I've seen some drastic changes in the way I think about men. I think growing up you tend to look at men as these foreign creatures that are so unlike us and so hard to figure out. What's funny, is now, it's just the opposite for me, they're so easy to read and now I look at them as little boys...trying to find their way through the world and figure out how to be men! They are traveling the same journey as women are and when we can start to look at them as "human" is when we'll get them.
Ladies, what makes us so special is that we are indeed ladies! Why would you want to think like a man? That's not intrinsically who we are? It goes against the laws of nature and it encourages us to create this persona or way of thinking that's not true to who we are! You read this book and take in depth notes of how you "should" act or think like a man to get...what result? What will thinking like a man get you? You'll practice those techniques and they may work for a while, but what happens when your "true-self" comes out? Because it will.
When the frenzy about this new book hit the market, women were sleeping with it next to their beds like it was a bible! Ladies, what type of direction are you looking for that you'd hold this book in such high regard. Now, I'm by no means saying that Steve Harvey is not a credible source...it's just his opinions right? and I'm not saying that his book is any different from any other self help books, but there's something so disempowering to me about a book that encourages women to not be what God intended for them to be...WOMEN.
There is a reason why men love us so much, why all of our quirks and imperfections are so beautiful to them, why change that? There are so many empowering things woman can practice, that can help them become better women! Better women to themselves first! Then better mothers, sisters and friends...
Here are my self help tips:
1. Act Like a Lady...Think Like a Lady...
That's it!
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