For a woman, giving birth is a major life changing event. In addition to having to wobble around on water balloon ankles for 10 months and watching your body do the "exorcist", being a working mom only adds to your challenges. 6 weeks in and you're shoving your baby into the arms of a stranger so you can clock in and sit behind a desk for eight plus hours...
Option one, you get 6 weeks of paid time off for maternity leave, but wait...you have to use up all of your sick and vacation days first (we know when you get back you may still feel like your uterus is falling out, but hey you can sit the whole day and work)...feel free to stay off longer if you like, we'll even give you up to three months off! But get this, we're not going to pay you for that. We know you just had a baby, and the costs of raising a child and childcare is likely to be double your salary, but hey if you want to spend more time with the little person over there who relies on you to live, then by all means exercise your options...
This is what most working moms in 2011 are left with. Most of whom are surprised and caught off guard with their employers work/life and maternity policy, because it's not something they thought about when accepting the position. I sure didn't. After having my little one, I was back to work when he was only 6 weeks old. In addition to being a new mom who was nervous about everything, I had to stomach the anxiety of leaving my 6 week old with strangers for 8-10 hrs a day, while I went back to work. Luckily I had family that helped me out and kept him so the blow wouldn't be as hard. But as the days and weeks back at work went on. I got more and more angry about the blatant insensitivity my employer had for working mothers. Not only is the maternity leave package unacceptable, but there are no work-life incentives, or child care support on site. There are no salary kick backs to help out with costs associated for childcare and most departments offer no flexibility with work schedules. The typical distribution of time for a working mom is that we our children will spend up to 12 hours/day in childcare and 8 hours sleeping at night, that leaves us with a whopping 4 hours a day to indulge in the joys of motherhood!
Option two...because we love options, is to leave your job and career and become a stay at home mom. This would be great, right. Screw the four years in undergrad, 3 yrs in grad school, countless jobs and internships and hours you put in to get where you are, oh and let;s not forget the hundred/thousands of dollars in school loans you've accumulated exercising your right to an education. Let's not forget to mention if you opt for this option you may as well sell the home you live in, because you won't be able to afford in, and yeah trade your car in too while you're at it. With this option you are not only diminishing the quality of life for you and your child, but you are selling yourself and your child short and not leading by example showing your child that hard work can reap some rewards. Look on the bright side, with this option, you will be eligible for a link card, WIC and hey probably even section 8! If you are one of those mothers that have the option and luxury to be a Stay at Home mom and not have to sacrifice financially then you are one of the blessed ones. The time mothers get to bond with their child is precious. I often get depressed when I have to rush in one or two coos and tickles to my baby in the morning as we're rushing out the door. To only have those few seconds to see him smile is unfair.
So, now what. I ask myself what do I need to do to change my situation? I can bitch and moan about it and miss 125,896 more hours of smiling with my little one, or develop a plan to improve my situation. If you're like me, a working mom and you NEED more smiles and time with you baby, here are some things I came up with:
- Meet with your boss and have him acknowledge the addition to your family and life. No need to go into detail or get too personal, but propose to him that you'd like him/her to consider some work-life balance options given your new 'situation". Perhaps you'd like to work from home one day a week, or work a shorter week with longer hours, or when you have to work weekends to be able to take a day off during the week in its place. Whatever you feel like is going to make your situation better. Give your boss some time to think about it, make sure you also give them more than one option so they don't feel trapped, one may work better for the organization than the other. If you don't get a response in a few weeks, then revisit it with them. If you don't get through to them present your case to your HR department with a plan on how your proposal will enable you to continue to provide the level of service expected.
- Find another gig! Research companies that have good work-life balance options and apply.
- Become a mommy CEO! What better time than now to become your own boss, set your own work-life balances! dust that business plan off and submit it, what's the worse that can happen. Being your own boss will enable you to create your own schedule and spend as much time with your child as you like!
Being a mommy CEO or working mommy is not easy, and being a Single working mommy is even more difficult. do you all know how incredible women are? Carrying a child, giving birth, and working 40 plus hours a week and raising a child on her own...that's invaluable and should not be taken for granted. It's hard! Ask them! It is the twenty first century and more women are still forging ahead in their careers and playing the role of Superwoman with smiles on their faces. You can indeed be a CEO and a phenomenal money, you just have to demand the means to be providing with the resources and flexibility to do so!
It's Saturday morning and my 6th day at work, as I sit here and write this I am thinking of all of the other things I could be doing....with my little silly billy. But instead I'm sitting in my office, behind the desk working overtime and not getting paid for it because I'm on salary...No worries,I did not come this far to be complacent, I will find a way to make things work for me and my little one....as we mommies always do - making a way out of no way, right?
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
What Are You Worth?
It's amazing how it can take half of your life for you realize your worth...As women we give so much of ourselves and seldomly ever get the equivalent back in return. We bend over backwards in our relationships, play wifey before the ring, play house before...the house, play best friend before the trust...In our careers we come in early, stay late, take on more than we get paid for...We raise our children alone, give them the clothes off of our backs, last penny, last bite to eat...Yet despite it all, we somehow come out smiling. We demand with no compromise that those we love are taken care of, that we do just enough to survive and make it through to tomorrow. But what we fail to do is demand with no compromise our worth...
If you could ask for an receive anything in the world as a contribution to your worth, what would it be...a certain amount of money, car, house, soul mate, promotion...what. Or is there even a material thing that could even measure what you're worth. Ladies, have you ever been with a man who's said to you....you've given enough of yourself to everyone else, its your turn...quit your job, move to "random city", and pick out your house...I'll pay off your debt and you and your child will be taken care of...what about being offered a sweet job where a position was created for you, paid you double, allows you to work from home 2 days a week with the summers off...Imagine that. Most of use would not even be open to receiving anything like this, because we have not even allowed ourselves the opportunity to be worth anything more than what and who we are in that moment. Its not about the money, or career, etc... But it's more about the acknowledgment, intention and action behind it.
Relationships
You'd love him sitting in a dirt hole on the side of a highway with no reservations. He may not be your ideal, but you compromise because no ones perfect right? Notice I say compromise and not settle, because we're all works in progress...yes men are too! It's one thing though to allow them the space to grow, but it's another thing to loose yourself inside of who you want them to be. As novices to what a real relationship looks like, women we fall in love and give everything....from our loyalty and undivided attention to our eggs and ovaries...and after the dust has settled you count your losses and take what you thought would produce your fairy tale, dust yourself off and you're back on the wagon again. Then ask yourself, did you get what you were worth in that relationship? did you even go into the relationship knowing what you were worth? How can we expect a man to treat us how we think we deserve to be treated and we don't even know what we're worth? Are you worth a genuine friendship? a trusting relationship? Are you worth someone working their ass of to be in a position where they can provide for you emotionally and physically, are you worth having someones full attention? are you worth listening to with an open mind and eager ear? what about being worth acknowledging your fairy tale and not only saying you'll make it come true but doing so? One of my favorite lines from a movie is "Baby all you have to do is wake up in the morning and I'll take it from there" (Madea's Diary of a Mad Black Women. That right there is what you're worth, did you know that?
It's not until we've had our share of bad relationships and good one that we not only realize but be open enough to accept our worth. It doesn't take a man or anyone else to show you your worth, it's something you discover over the years. It's sad that for some of us it takes a lot of heart ache, baggage, and NAS rampages to find it, but rest assure you will. We will all reach different levels and layers of our worth being revealed to us. For me I am just starting to unwrap pieces of what that looks like. Today at this moment I am certain that I am worth peace...simply stated,which I compare to the feeling you get sitting by the water, perfect scenery, perfect background song, that moment where you just take it all in and smile for no reason. right now, today I know that I am worth peace when it comes to my relationships. I'm not talking about the drama free, he's acting right peace, but the kind of peace where you allow yourself to be unaffected...I'm not saying that you don't feel anything or get hurt, but you no longer give anyone else that power over you. Lol, for those of you who have indulged at some point in your life time having a "brown cigarette looking thing..." where you just feel good for no damn reason, and you're not thinking about anything at the moment, and everything is so damn cool. That's the level of peace that I'm worth. I'm sure as I get older I'll discover even more of my worth, baby steps. But days like today where something inspires you to have a revelation, like hearing about the woman who's man said, now its your turn...pick you house, and her accepting that because at 40plus she knew her worth, days like today are groundbreaking.
What you're worth at work... (to be continued)
If you could ask for an receive anything in the world as a contribution to your worth, what would it be...a certain amount of money, car, house, soul mate, promotion...what. Or is there even a material thing that could even measure what you're worth. Ladies, have you ever been with a man who's said to you....you've given enough of yourself to everyone else, its your turn...quit your job, move to "random city", and pick out your house...I'll pay off your debt and you and your child will be taken care of...what about being offered a sweet job where a position was created for you, paid you double, allows you to work from home 2 days a week with the summers off...Imagine that. Most of use would not even be open to receiving anything like this, because we have not even allowed ourselves the opportunity to be worth anything more than what and who we are in that moment. Its not about the money, or career, etc... But it's more about the acknowledgment, intention and action behind it.
Relationships
You'd love him sitting in a dirt hole on the side of a highway with no reservations. He may not be your ideal, but you compromise because no ones perfect right? Notice I say compromise and not settle, because we're all works in progress...yes men are too! It's one thing though to allow them the space to grow, but it's another thing to loose yourself inside of who you want them to be. As novices to what a real relationship looks like, women we fall in love and give everything....from our loyalty and undivided attention to our eggs and ovaries...and after the dust has settled you count your losses and take what you thought would produce your fairy tale, dust yourself off and you're back on the wagon again. Then ask yourself, did you get what you were worth in that relationship? did you even go into the relationship knowing what you were worth? How can we expect a man to treat us how we think we deserve to be treated and we don't even know what we're worth? Are you worth a genuine friendship? a trusting relationship? Are you worth someone working their ass of to be in a position where they can provide for you emotionally and physically, are you worth having someones full attention? are you worth listening to with an open mind and eager ear? what about being worth acknowledging your fairy tale and not only saying you'll make it come true but doing so? One of my favorite lines from a movie is "Baby all you have to do is wake up in the morning and I'll take it from there" (Madea's Diary of a Mad Black Women. That right there is what you're worth, did you know that?
It's not until we've had our share of bad relationships and good one that we not only realize but be open enough to accept our worth. It doesn't take a man or anyone else to show you your worth, it's something you discover over the years. It's sad that for some of us it takes a lot of heart ache, baggage, and NAS rampages to find it, but rest assure you will. We will all reach different levels and layers of our worth being revealed to us. For me I am just starting to unwrap pieces of what that looks like. Today at this moment I am certain that I am worth peace...simply stated,which I compare to the feeling you get sitting by the water, perfect scenery, perfect background song, that moment where you just take it all in and smile for no reason. right now, today I know that I am worth peace when it comes to my relationships. I'm not talking about the drama free, he's acting right peace, but the kind of peace where you allow yourself to be unaffected...I'm not saying that you don't feel anything or get hurt, but you no longer give anyone else that power over you. Lol, for those of you who have indulged at some point in your life time having a "brown cigarette looking thing..." where you just feel good for no damn reason, and you're not thinking about anything at the moment, and everything is so damn cool. That's the level of peace that I'm worth. I'm sure as I get older I'll discover even more of my worth, baby steps. But days like today where something inspires you to have a revelation, like hearing about the woman who's man said, now its your turn...pick you house, and her accepting that because at 40plus she knew her worth, days like today are groundbreaking.
What you're worth at work... (to be continued)
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Here I am...
Yet another morning of waking up at 5am, still tired, drained, no expectations for how my day would go...Settling into it being "just another day". just like yesterday, once again I felt the pressures of adjusting, fighting the perpetual feeling of anxiousness and worry of not knowing what happens next...I try to fight my controlling nature and settle into just letting things be. I spend the first ten minutes of my morning indulging in this mindless mess...and then I open my eyes and look over at him, sleeping peacefully and my mind starts to settle. I begin to fall into such a peaceful place and am reminded of what I have to wake up to everyday. Someone I always knew I wanted, but never knew I needed...My Kendall.
While I realize that life is still happening around me, I don't apologize for being so wrapped up and consumed with him...how could you not be? Mama Kendall, is what my Kenyan colleague called me today...what does that mean I asked him..."In Kenya, when someone become a mother, they're no longer called by their name, they've achieved a higher status and level of respect and receive the name of their child, mother of..." Well, despite what the Kenyans say, I still think its crazy that I am someone's mother. I never really understood how much my mother loves me until I had a child of my own.
I find myself throwing internal tantrums, because I feel like the ideal life I'd crafted for him is still a work in progress or may not even come to fruition like most things in life. What offers me some relief is that he doesn't yet have any expectations of me. Yesterday he smiled at me for the first time and the weight of "where I am..." was lifted and I settled into what was most important...me loving him, unconditionally, being there for him everyday, not missing a moment. Making him happy makes the sleepless nights, countless bottles and diaper changes, trips to the doctor, hours at work missing him, lack of a social life, baby weight gain, worrying, anxiousness, trips up three flights of stairs with him, a car seat, two gallons of baby water, diaper bag and purse so worth it.
A friend recently asked my why i
t had been so long since I'd written anything...I told her I hadn't been inspired...well I guess I now have a new inspiration, My Kendall.
While I realize that life is still happening around me, I don't apologize for being so wrapped up and consumed with him...how could you not be? Mama Kendall, is what my Kenyan colleague called me today...what does that mean I asked him..."In Kenya, when someone become a mother, they're no longer called by their name, they've achieved a higher status and level of respect and receive the name of their child, mother of..." Well, despite what the Kenyans say, I still think its crazy that I am someone's mother. I never really understood how much my mother loves me until I had a child of my own.
I find myself throwing internal tantrums, because I feel like the ideal life I'd crafted for him is still a work in progress or may not even come to fruition like most things in life. What offers me some relief is that he doesn't yet have any expectations of me. Yesterday he smiled at me for the first time and the weight of "where I am..." was lifted and I settled into what was most important...me loving him, unconditionally, being there for him everyday, not missing a moment. Making him happy makes the sleepless nights, countless bottles and diaper changes, trips to the doctor, hours at work missing him, lack of a social life, baby weight gain, worrying, anxiousness, trips up three flights of stairs with him, a car seat, two gallons of baby water, diaper bag and purse so worth it.
A friend recently asked my why i
t had been so long since I'd written anything...I told her I hadn't been inspired...well I guess I now have a new inspiration, My Kendall.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Becasue she says so....
I look at her hands...her face...her eyes, and I see me - The woman I've become. I know what she's thinking and what she wants to say, just by the expresions on her face - I see when she's afraid, sad, happy, at peace.
This woman who worried so much about me, still worries and asks if I'm ok...If I'd eaten, stares at me and what I have on to make sure I'm dressed warm enough. She always had my heart, but now it's more evident than ever, than my life is nothing without her. She was there through every major moment in my life...and all I can think to myself is how much I want her around for my wedding, my baby and their milestones. I need her around...I see the worry in her eyes, she's scared, but worried about how my sister and I are doing, she talks the nurses ears off about her babies, her daughters - I see how much she loves us and admire her for how she still continues to be a mother from her hospital bed. How do you comfort your mother and tell her that everything is going to be ok, when you see the worry in her eyes...It is going to be ok, and we stay strong, my sister and I, because that's the kind of women she raised. No matter what, she'd say to us, stay strong, take care of each other...My sister and I have a way of doing that...although I've always been the independent one, she's still my big sister who would cut a b$tch in a second for me.
Mothers day is tomorrow and it doesnt feel the same, because the past month or so has been my mothers days....I spend my days worrying about her, the same way I know she's worried about me for 28 years, and just as she thought to herself about me...she'll be ok. I lean over the bed and she looks at me and touches my face...my cheeks...lips....neck and I feel how much she loves me - -she shakes her head as if she's saying, we'll be ok...and because my mother says so...I know - we will.
This woman who worried so much about me, still worries and asks if I'm ok...If I'd eaten, stares at me and what I have on to make sure I'm dressed warm enough. She always had my heart, but now it's more evident than ever, than my life is nothing without her. She was there through every major moment in my life...and all I can think to myself is how much I want her around for my wedding, my baby and their milestones. I need her around...I see the worry in her eyes, she's scared, but worried about how my sister and I are doing, she talks the nurses ears off about her babies, her daughters - I see how much she loves us and admire her for how she still continues to be a mother from her hospital bed. How do you comfort your mother and tell her that everything is going to be ok, when you see the worry in her eyes...It is going to be ok, and we stay strong, my sister and I, because that's the kind of women she raised. No matter what, she'd say to us, stay strong, take care of each other...My sister and I have a way of doing that...although I've always been the independent one, she's still my big sister who would cut a b$tch in a second for me.
Mothers day is tomorrow and it doesnt feel the same, because the past month or so has been my mothers days....I spend my days worrying about her, the same way I know she's worried about me for 28 years, and just as she thought to herself about me...she'll be ok. I lean over the bed and she looks at me and touches my face...my cheeks...lips....neck and I feel how much she loves me - -she shakes her head as if she's saying, we'll be ok...and because my mother says so...I know - we will.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
That Must Be Liberating...
Ever catch yourself crying or so upset or frustrated about something...or stressing about something that completely takes you outside of who you are...Sometimes, the next day we look back and not even remember what we were obsessing about. Sometimes I get taken back to trying to control everything and overthinking things. The older I've gotten I've learned how to filter out what's important to me and what doesn't deserve my energy. These days the preservation of my energy is really a focus. There's so much power in how you use is, or fail to use it. Undirected or wasted energy is so draining~and energy focused in the right places, just feels right. For me a balanced mind, heart, body and soul is what keeps me grounded. Most of the times all of those things aren't always in sink and its evident in my energy.
I started to think today, if there's ever been a time in my life where I've felt completely liberated? I'm talking about feeling free, happy for no specific reason, when your heart is smiling, your body feel undescribable sensations and your soul is fed? I've had moments, but I've never really felt completely liberated. Sometimes those moments feel so good that you don't ever want to lose them, but they come and go so randomly outside of your control that you can't pinpoint where they came from or how to get them back.
In my career I feel liberated when my hard work is noticed, or when new opportunities arise or when I'm inspired to push beyond my limits. In love, I'm liberated when I don't have to ask for anything and all of my needs are met, when time stands still and nothing else even matters. My body is liberated when I feel sexy, unrestrained, after a good workout when all the right places ache and feel good at the same time. And my soul, my soul is liberated when life happens organically, without me trying to control it and God happens.
When all of those things come together, life is easy.
These days I'm so much more conscientious when I'm inside of these moments than when I'm out of them, I hold on to what I feel so I can remember that feeling when its come. My goal in life is for those moments to last forever. While I know its something i cant control, I am certain that if I focus my energy in the right directions, at the right people, right circumstances - my liberation will last a lifetime.
I started to think today, if there's ever been a time in my life where I've felt completely liberated? I'm talking about feeling free, happy for no specific reason, when your heart is smiling, your body feel undescribable sensations and your soul is fed? I've had moments, but I've never really felt completely liberated. Sometimes those moments feel so good that you don't ever want to lose them, but they come and go so randomly outside of your control that you can't pinpoint where they came from or how to get them back.
In my career I feel liberated when my hard work is noticed, or when new opportunities arise or when I'm inspired to push beyond my limits. In love, I'm liberated when I don't have to ask for anything and all of my needs are met, when time stands still and nothing else even matters. My body is liberated when I feel sexy, unrestrained, after a good workout when all the right places ache and feel good at the same time. And my soul, my soul is liberated when life happens organically, without me trying to control it and God happens.
When all of those things come together, life is easy.
These days I'm so much more conscientious when I'm inside of these moments than when I'm out of them, I hold on to what I feel so I can remember that feeling when its come. My goal in life is for those moments to last forever. While I know its something i cant control, I am certain that if I focus my energy in the right directions, at the right people, right circumstances - my liberation will last a lifetime.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Ain't nothing wrong with dreaming...(Erykah Badu, Next Lifetime)
While Erykah was referring to love in her "Next Lifetime" song, whenever I hear those lyrics I think of a fresh minded young woman ten years ago, that had never heard of impossible. Now when I look back on the things I've accomplished, by God's grace of course, I'm smittened by my tenatiousness and determiniation.
As we get older our dreams become few and far in between. We stand in our own way, debating why it couldn't work rather than figuring out what will make it work. There's nothing sweeter than seeing someone accomplish their dreams, it makes my heart smile, because I know what it feels like.
Now years later, we find ourselves stuck in the monotony of complacency and contenment and living to work and working to eat, but not living to...well, LIVE. What's life without dreams, something to aspire to? I'm intrigued watching friends and family clamour and stress over their careers and finiding jobs, when the reality is, once you find it, is it really what you want to be doing, what you're supposed to be doing? A dream does not have to neccesarily be tied to your career, but nowadays society is so wrapped up in money that it often goes hand and hand.
A dream can be taking off for a year and traveling the world...starting your own business doing something you absolutuely love no matter how silly it may be...pursuing a professional sport or acting or dancing...the sweet things about dreams are that they can be anything you want them to be.
Sometimes I lye awake at night, trying to remember when exactly I stopped dreaming. Maybe it was somewhere between working full time and pursuing my masters degree or searching for my ideal job...or digging my way out of debt, or being so caught up in just trying to get by.
As I watch the email icon pop up on my computer at work and take this call that's coming through and contemplate on whether or not I can make it through one more day of work, I can say that by taking these 5 minutes out of my day to write this, I'm that much more closer to realizing my dreams, whatever they may be. They say speaking things into existence is the best way to seeing them through to coming true. My dreams include: Having a full-time work from anywhere in the world career, spending a quarter or the year in different parts of the world, doing something in philanthropy that helps women and girls realize their worth, becoming a business women, and sharing all of this with the man of my dreams and children (all God Willing)
Sweet dreams people.
~T
As we get older our dreams become few and far in between. We stand in our own way, debating why it couldn't work rather than figuring out what will make it work. There's nothing sweeter than seeing someone accomplish their dreams, it makes my heart smile, because I know what it feels like.
Now years later, we find ourselves stuck in the monotony of complacency and contenment and living to work and working to eat, but not living to...well, LIVE. What's life without dreams, something to aspire to? I'm intrigued watching friends and family clamour and stress over their careers and finiding jobs, when the reality is, once you find it, is it really what you want to be doing, what you're supposed to be doing? A dream does not have to neccesarily be tied to your career, but nowadays society is so wrapped up in money that it often goes hand and hand.
A dream can be taking off for a year and traveling the world...starting your own business doing something you absolutuely love no matter how silly it may be...pursuing a professional sport or acting or dancing...the sweet things about dreams are that they can be anything you want them to be.
Sometimes I lye awake at night, trying to remember when exactly I stopped dreaming. Maybe it was somewhere between working full time and pursuing my masters degree or searching for my ideal job...or digging my way out of debt, or being so caught up in just trying to get by.
As I watch the email icon pop up on my computer at work and take this call that's coming through and contemplate on whether or not I can make it through one more day of work, I can say that by taking these 5 minutes out of my day to write this, I'm that much more closer to realizing my dreams, whatever they may be. They say speaking things into existence is the best way to seeing them through to coming true. My dreams include: Having a full-time work from anywhere in the world career, spending a quarter or the year in different parts of the world, doing something in philanthropy that helps women and girls realize their worth, becoming a business women, and sharing all of this with the man of my dreams and children (all God Willing)
Sweet dreams people.
~T
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Stuck
The Pursuit of Happiness for me has a strong correlation with my career, or lack there of. I've worked hard over the past 7 years, capitalizing on my strengths and carving out what I guess is supposed to be considered a career. What is a career? A job that you specialize in and build your professional life around? All that's cool, but what I find lacking is the passion and purpose. Is there a such thing as having a career that you're passionate about, that you wake up in the morning and you can't wait to get to, that offers you just as many challenges and triumphs? That gives you some purpose...well not just professionally, but in life. I always say the best job/career is one where you never feel like you're at work. Imagine the times in your life where you were the happiest, where you felt like you were learning something and were challenged, where you were apart of establishing or contributing to its growth...what were you doing?
That's how I believe we get to our Passion/Purpose filled careers. I can't imagine living the rest of my life not loving what I do everyday. Most of us spend over 2000 hours a year working....with all of this time in your life spent working, you have to be happy!
We either has to find passion in what we're doing or do something we are passionate about. We are all where we are because God has led us there, make sense of that and move forward accordingly.
That's how I believe we get to our Passion/Purpose filled careers. I can't imagine living the rest of my life not loving what I do everyday. Most of us spend over 2000 hours a year working....with all of this time in your life spent working, you have to be happy!
We either has to find passion in what we're doing or do something we are passionate about. We are all where we are because God has led us there, make sense of that and move forward accordingly.
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