What's Your Number, What's Your Sign?

This year is the first time in 6 years, that I've been single and let me tell you it's indeed a dating game. Over the past year, I think I may have met every type of guy there is; and the end result has either been the wrong guy at the right time, the right guy at the wrong time, the guy that's just looking for a good time or that guy that's not good for any time. More often than not I find myself begin happy with no guy at any time!

I'm at a point in my life where substance is everything, but unfortunately in this day and age there's so much pretense, dishonesty and ingenuity out there with both men and women. I find that women spend so much time talking about what they don't want in a man and and men spend so much time not being ready. For those of us inching up on the "dirty thirties", I'm sure you can relate with one of these:

Women
1. The "I'm too sexy for my dress" girl
The quintessential "pretty girl"; looks good on your arm, but you'd pay her to not say a word! These women have lots going for them on the surface, they're pretty, educated, seemingly independent, no kids. However, what's seems great on the surface does not necessarily translate on the inside. More often than not this woman is needy, while she can afford to take care of herself, she much rather prefer for you to take her to only the best restaurants, will only sit in VIP in the club and expects nice gifts and trips as a standard. She has more baggage than your normal woman and will be remind you every time she sees you how you must right the wrongs of the past men in her life. A typical conversation with her will most likely be about the latest reality show on BET or the celebrity you all saw out in the club the week before. For most guys, this won't last long. While her looks will spark their interest it likely won't go any deeper than that.

2. The Down to Earth, wifey material, but not right now girl
"I love her cause she got her own". This girl has everything going for her, nice looking, got some swagger, educated, you can talk to her about anything, hanging with her is like hanging with one of the guys. she's damn near everything you were looking for, but....damn your just not ready. It's likely that the guy will try to keep things basic with her and not go too deep b/c he knows where it will head...but he just can't seem to let her go. Eventually, she'll catch feelings and he won't be ready to commit b/c he doesn't want to end up hurting her. She'll decide to walk away disappointed, but both will keep each other in the back of their minds as a future option and wonder what could've come from it.

3. The bitter, all men are dogs, but I still want one...bad girl
These women are always ranting and raving about how there are no good men out there, but are the first ones in line at the club with their freakum girl dress on! She's fly, and she knows it and will tell you the first time she meets you. Most conversations with her will be about her exe's. She'll have some stalker tendencies and will show her jealous side early on. For most guys this will be a red flag, and they'll scatter quicker than a family of roaches when you cut the lights on. She'll earn a bad rep as the "crazy chic" and she'll be wonder why guys stopped approaching her.


Men
1. The R&B dude (got this title from a friend)
Someone once said to me that they hate it when they go to the club and see guys in suits standing at the bar swirling around a glass of wine, they don't dance, and will stare a women down, but will never go talk to her. This is that guy that wears sun glasses in the club and will only buy a bottle if that means he can be surrounded by some pretty girls. It's likely that he's spending his rent money on the bottle, but for him it's an investment, right? This is the guy that us ladies meet when we're out he's fine and sexy and appears to have his stuff together. He's saying all the right things and even forgos the 3 day or more wait before he calls you. He calls that Monday in the afternoon asking to take you to lunch! Great, right? Yes, until he starts the story about how he works in "construction" and how his mom is "living with him" and how his 3 month old baby is the love of his life. Some women may choose to stick it out, why not give him a chance right? Well it's likely that 3 months later, he's moved in with you, is out of work and wants you to babysit his kid. Ok I rambled a bit on this one, but believe it or not, these men DO exist, lol.

2. The "One", who refuses to commit, and will be ready as soon as.....
Ok, so finally, it's happened, you've met the guy who has just about everything you've always wanted. He's attractive, ambitious, intelligent, street smart, well traveled, career oriented, charming, has great friends and family and he's like your best friend, you've opened up to him in ways that you haven't with anyone else. So what's the catch? "I enjoy spending time with you, I really like you, but...I'm just not ready" he says. WTF, we think to ourselves right? While most women beg for honesty and now we get that, we refuse to just walk away from this. So as we start picking out dresses for our weddings 1 month into dating, he's showing you better than he can tell you that's he's not ready. After trying to hang in there for a while, we realize that the only one who'll get hurt in this scenario is us, so we reluctantly take 10 steps back. This guy is likely to hold his ground and is not really concerned about finding the one, b/c he knows he's a catch. In some cases if you were the right one, when they're ready they'll have you in the lineup...lol But for the most part for them it'll be out of site out of mind.

3. The Love your Dirty Drawls guy.
This guy is cool, he's always there for you when you need him, maybe he wasn't your type at first, but you grew to like him. While you've been waiting for someone to give you that attention that you deserve, this guy may be pushing it. He calls you at least 6 times a day, this includes a text a 7am right when you're hitting the snooze button. He wants to spend every weekend with you, takes you on trips, takes you to all his family functions, your mom is crazy about him, he tells you how beautiful you are daily, he send you flowers at work, remembers what your favorite color is, make plans for you two to do thing 3 months out...Sound wonderful huh? Yeah, but there's just something about him....that just doesn't do it for you. These men are the ones that say, you women will have a good man right in front of you, but you walk around here saying that are the good ones are taken. He's waving his flag in air, saying "Here I am". But, yeah no, he's still not doing it for you. For some women its about more than that, it's about who captures your attention, then captures your heart, then makes you work for it, then gives you back even more. Women want love, but it doesn't necessarily have to be that easy. Love is at its best when you're both vulnerable and it feels good just as much as it hurts. Whats successful without struggle right? We will end up leaving this guy, b/c he's just no the "One". However some women will keep him on speed dial, when their egos need to be fed or when they're lonely.

Disclaimer: This are all "hypothetical" people based on stories that I've heard, so do with them what you will...lol

I walk away from this feeling like we've all played one of these characters at some point and can probably identify with one if not all of them. For me and relationships I always find myself analyzing the person, whether if it's to pull a lesson from that experience or re-evaluate what it is I'm looking for. But what I have to always remind myself of is that people are individuals there are no two people alike. Dating is about getting to know the person and whether or not you "organically" match, it should just "feel" right.

There are 2 things, that I value in this whole dating thing, My number - I DO NOT give my number nor a fake number out just for the hell of it or just b/c a guy asks. I only do so if I am genuinely interested in someone and if something about them intrigued me. Oh and I delete numbers too, if this isn't going anywhere and we've both established that's its best to let it go, then the number gets deleted. The second thing is...What's your sign? Every time I meet a guy and tell my mom about him, the first question she asks is what's his sign, from there she goes on to tell me whether or not its going to work. At first I thought she was crazy, but eventually I realized, that she was always on point! So now I always ask What's you sign? not that it dictates my relationship with that person, but I believe that while you're in the process of getting to know someone, it can give you a glimpse into what to expect.

So, my almost thirty lady friends, don't get frustrated and discouraged, God has made something especially for YOU, And when he feels like you're ready for him, he will give him to you.

And for the fellas, ok, you got your stuff together, but remember a good women, "that one" only comes around once in a lifetime, so while you're launching your third business venture or planning your next guys trip, you may be missing out on Gods gift to you...

Happy Dating people!