Who knew that at the tender age of 28, I would still be trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Sometimes the not so gentle reality hits me and I realize that I'm already "all grown up", then I panic because maybe this is something I should've settled on already. But then my more calm, less controlling self chimes in and reminds me that I am " a work in progress" we all are. There is no point of completion when it comes to defining what's to come of your life...career...love life...etc...As long as you're traveling on a road that's continuously moving, you're on the right track.
What's become clear to me, is that I can't define my path, God has to do that for me. He puts things in front of us and people in our path that are meant to affect who we are and where we're going. For me, there are three essential elements that you should incorporate into your life plan and look out for to further define what you and God are working to create:
1. Your Inner Circle - Substance and Quality are key when it comes to the people you surround yourself with. You can have 158,896.2 Facebook friends, but of them how many can contribute anything to your life as a person, a woman/man, your spirituality, health, career, your soul? Keep counting, I can wait...What you'll find is that there are very few and if there are some, have you taken the time to reach out to them to begin to foster a connection that's more meaningful than occasionally replying to each others wall post? There are people out there, they have the career you want or that have connections that can get you there, people who may be your soul mate, or have have a relationship with God and can help you get closer. Build strong allies with you inner circle, help them help you! God puts people in front of us for a reason, determine what their purpose is in your life and latch on to that and create the inevitable - what God has planned for you.
2. Don't Come Up for Air - You have to keep going! Yes, you got your degree...what else, Yes, you've found your husband...what else...yes you love your job..what else? There is ALWAYS something else. Never be content in just "good enough". Imagine how much more you can do? Yes, navigating through everything and figuring out what's next is difficult but keep at it...because you'll never truly be fulfilled until you get there. The journey is what gets my adrenaline going! I get amped up off of what's to come, knowing that there's something next...It's a great feeling when you don't know what to expect, but you know its going to be something great...like a surprise party. Make that list, and keep checking things off - when you get to a point where you're having trouble figuring out what else...because you've accomplished EVERYTHING, that's a good place to be in, but it's still not over, because there's always something else!
3. You Deserve It! Sometimes we get so caught up in doing, that we don't take the time to reflect what we've accomplished and how much we deserve do much more! I'm not narcissistic or anything, but sometimes I have to stop and tell myself, girl, you're the shit! and I don't mean physically, but mentally, spiritually, emotionally, all that! I look at how far I've come, and I revel in the fact that, here I am, so much more closer to the woman I've always dreamed of becoming. It's funny, the other day at the gas station this older gentleman, maybe in his 60's, middle class looking guy was pumping his gas, and said "how are you doing sister?" and I replied, "fine", he said " you are really beautiful". I don't know what but I'm always surprised when people say that to me. And he wasn't saying that to flirt or anything, he just wanted me to know. Sometimes I think that's God sending us friendly reminders...
I'm no expert in life, but I know a little about a lot of things. I use these things to move me forward and I always like to share where I am i the process. I hope this brings you closer to answering that question you're 1st grade teacher asked you decades ago...What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Act Like A Lady...Think Like A Lady!
I get frown lines on my forehead just typing that title, because it makes me think of how much I despise the idea of a 40/50 something year old...divorced...comedian writing a book trying to school women on how to think and act. Before you go on your rampage, my friends tell me...read the book...! Ok, maybe they're right, before you go to judge you should do your research...yeah, but my semi-feminist/women centric spirit, won't let me!
As I've gotten older, I've seen some drastic changes in the way I think about men. I think growing up you tend to look at men as these foreign creatures that are so unlike us and so hard to figure out. What's funny, is now, it's just the opposite for me, they're so easy to read and now I look at them as little boys...trying to find their way through the world and figure out how to be men! They are traveling the same journey as women are and when we can start to look at them as "human" is when we'll get them.
Ladies, what makes us so special is that we are indeed ladies! Why would you want to think like a man? That's not intrinsically who we are? It goes against the laws of nature and it encourages us to create this persona or way of thinking that's not true to who we are! You read this book and take in depth notes of how you "should" act or think like a man to get...what result? What will thinking like a man get you? You'll practice those techniques and they may work for a while, but what happens when your "true-self" comes out? Because it will.
When the frenzy about this new book hit the market, women were sleeping with it next to their beds like it was a bible! Ladies, what type of direction are you looking for that you'd hold this book in such high regard. Now, I'm by no means saying that Steve Harvey is not a credible source...it's just his opinions right? and I'm not saying that his book is any different from any other self help books, but there's something so disempowering to me about a book that encourages women to not be what God intended for them to be...WOMEN.
There is a reason why men love us so much, why all of our quirks and imperfections are so beautiful to them, why change that? There are so many empowering things woman can practice, that can help them become better women! Better women to themselves first! Then better mothers, sisters and friends...
Here are my self help tips:
1. Act Like a Lady...Think Like a Lady...
That's it!
As I've gotten older, I've seen some drastic changes in the way I think about men. I think growing up you tend to look at men as these foreign creatures that are so unlike us and so hard to figure out. What's funny, is now, it's just the opposite for me, they're so easy to read and now I look at them as little boys...trying to find their way through the world and figure out how to be men! They are traveling the same journey as women are and when we can start to look at them as "human" is when we'll get them.
Ladies, what makes us so special is that we are indeed ladies! Why would you want to think like a man? That's not intrinsically who we are? It goes against the laws of nature and it encourages us to create this persona or way of thinking that's not true to who we are! You read this book and take in depth notes of how you "should" act or think like a man to get...what result? What will thinking like a man get you? You'll practice those techniques and they may work for a while, but what happens when your "true-self" comes out? Because it will.
When the frenzy about this new book hit the market, women were sleeping with it next to their beds like it was a bible! Ladies, what type of direction are you looking for that you'd hold this book in such high regard. Now, I'm by no means saying that Steve Harvey is not a credible source...it's just his opinions right? and I'm not saying that his book is any different from any other self help books, but there's something so disempowering to me about a book that encourages women to not be what God intended for them to be...WOMEN.
There is a reason why men love us so much, why all of our quirks and imperfections are so beautiful to them, why change that? There are so many empowering things woman can practice, that can help them become better women! Better women to themselves first! Then better mothers, sisters and friends...
Here are my self help tips:
1. Act Like a Lady...Think Like a Lady...
That's it!
1 is NOT the loneliest number!
We often get caught up in comfort zones that can cause us to loose ourselves. Feeling the need to always need to be around people, or do things with people or have someone by your side at all times, is not healthy. I've always been a loner, but I have indeed been wrapped up before in being comfortable not being alone, which made my time alone akward. When I look back I realize that some of my most peaceful, most enjoyable moments have been those where I've been alone! I fuss at one of my friends about being comfortable being by herself, until she can learn to do that she will never really be happy. Some of us stay in unhealthy relationships and keep the company of not so great friends from a fear of being alone. Hey! it's ok, really. Do you know what happens when you're alone? Reflection, Epiphanies, Clarity...silence. I love silence! Sometimes I find myself indulging in it when I'm around other people, and they ask, why are you so quiet, why not? Silence can make some people feel uncomfortable, but there's something to be said when you can be around someone who gets it and is ok with those silent moments~who can still connect with you and your energy when you're silent. There are few people in my life, that get that...my best friend I think is one of the only people who does.
I went away to college alone, not knowing anyone and walked away from that situation with some great friends, a great education and some of the best memories of my life. I navigated through my career alone! And have built some great professional relationships and made some great moves. I bought my first place alone! There are so many things that I've done alone and have had so much significance on who I am.
You cannot hold yourself back waiting on someone else to be there for you/with you...you have to keep it moving. If you want to travel...go! Maybe you'll make some new friends! If you want to go to dinner alone...go! and order that desert w/o having someone sitting across from you judging you...lol. Having people in your life is great, but don't depend on them to Make Life Happen, that's up to you!
I always say, that I am a work in progress, I have to remind myself of these things everyday! But, as with anything in life, it's a process - and as long as I am present to it all I'll get there.
I went away to college alone, not knowing anyone and walked away from that situation with some great friends, a great education and some of the best memories of my life. I navigated through my career alone! And have built some great professional relationships and made some great moves. I bought my first place alone! There are so many things that I've done alone and have had so much significance on who I am.
You cannot hold yourself back waiting on someone else to be there for you/with you...you have to keep it moving. If you want to travel...go! Maybe you'll make some new friends! If you want to go to dinner alone...go! and order that desert w/o having someone sitting across from you judging you...lol. Having people in your life is great, but don't depend on them to Make Life Happen, that's up to you!
I always say, that I am a work in progress, I have to remind myself of these things everyday! But, as with anything in life, it's a process - and as long as I am present to it all I'll get there.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Life happens when you stand still and listen.
I remember when I used to dream. Id get so excited and get these butterflies in my stomach and my heart would smile. Id literally fall in love in that moment and would become so motivated. I had something to look forward to. Whatever happened to that feeling? I give much credit to waking up every morning, but the monotony of life has consumed be and I don't know how to get out. I watch the people around me and I can feel in there spirit that they're on cloud nine...I become envious of their happiness and frustrated with myself that I cant create my own. Whats a dream worth without a plan? I need a plan I keep telling myself...a plan...need to plan to plan. I digress...because what I've recently discovered is that u cant plan life...u have to live it. We let so many things get in the way of living...work...friends...relationships...family...finances. Guess what life goes on with or without those things. I know what happiness feels like, butterflies, anxiousness, motivation, ambition...My goal is to start by stealing small moments of that...then days..weeks and so on until I get closer to my happiness.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Rekindling my relationship with my Passion
I met someone recently that inspired me to push beyond my comfort zone. Not to toot my own horn, but I am really smart and have the potential to do some really great things, but what holds me back is my inability to do things that I am not passionante about. The truth is when you spend the majority of your life doing things that you think you are "supposed" to be doing, you forget that in order for you to be truly happy, you have to be living inside of your passion!
These past couple of weeks I've been re-establising my relationship with my passion. I lost it a while ago, it was covered by so much nonsense that I'm not sure I'd even recognize it when I saw it, but now I am rediscovering what it feels like to be passionate about something. It doesn't feel like work, it feels like your lifes purpose, what you were meant to do!
This fall I'll be having several quiet nights at home with a glass or two of wine, rekindling my relationship with my passion and I am certain that the end result will be something that will change my life.
These past couple of weeks I've been re-establising my relationship with my passion. I lost it a while ago, it was covered by so much nonsense that I'm not sure I'd even recognize it when I saw it, but now I am rediscovering what it feels like to be passionate about something. It doesn't feel like work, it feels like your lifes purpose, what you were meant to do!
This fall I'll be having several quiet nights at home with a glass or two of wine, rekindling my relationship with my passion and I am certain that the end result will be something that will change my life.
I Can't Find My Glasses...
It's 3:00am and I just came in from a really great night out with the girls. I really wasn't feeling like hanging out at first but anyone who knows me, it doesn't take much for me to get the party going, right!
So my day was filled with much optimism. My latest commitment to myself is to remain positive despite what's actually in front of me, but I tell you sometimes things block your focus so much that you can't see past it, and everything that seemed good no longer looked the same when reality makes its appearance. I'm a good person, but not perfect to say the least, but I love my friends and family and they know I'd do anything for them, I'm surrounded by good people, because I'm a good person, but every once in a while...you get people that cross your path, that you really want to see the good in them, but they make it so hard to.
I've been faced with so many uncertainties this past year. Alot of take it or leave it circumstances. I've tried to be purposeful about that I take or leave, but it seems to become more and more difficult at every juncture. I pray on it, for days on end, but from out of nowhere my heart is always faced with something my head can't comprehend...Should I take it....or should I leave it? Sometimes conviction grabs me by the hand and says keep it moving, but my heart is so heavy and still believes in happy endings...how can you ask a passionate woman to stop believing in happy endings? Remember when you found out that there was no Santa Claus and no Tooth Fairy...well that's what it feels like when you find out that there's a possibility that you may never find your one true love.
I care about the people in my life so much, that when I see them hurting it hurts me to my core. I know firsthand what it feels like to be sick of games, and of having patience, and waiting...but I'm stronger than most and rationalize those feelings by consuming myself with some other activities...but the truth is I feel those same things, my friends are feeling, I just don't feel like it does me any good to dwell on it, so I...as a true Scorpoio would do...keep it moving. But those rare times that I stand still and let life happen I'm always taken back to wanting something so much at this juncture in your life and not having any control over when you'll get it.
I'll admit, that I have an unreasonalble amount of demands when it comes to my life partner, but I'm so certain of what I have to offer that those things seems so simple. I'm so amazed at this so called "dating game" it's the lamest thing I've ever encountered...How can you strategize and plan around how to capture or break another persons heart? Please people, pay attention to your actions and what you do and say to people, what may seem like a gain to you at that moment may be a loss to someone else. If I've ever been so sure about something in my life, it's that I am so not interested...in the games. I don't participate in things that I don't understand. Some of this is pure venting, but the rest is asking people to take accountability for your actions, you're are dealing with real life human beings, if you didn't realize that, and while you're operating under a "it's all about me" mentality you could be doing some serious damange to the other person.
I have to be present to that myself as well, which is why I am never the one to waste anyones time, and at times when I may seem blunt, that's me being real with you. I'd rather not lead anyone on, and would much prefer to just say what's real...
I cannot say enough about the people in my life that know me and genuinely love me...and I name this blog as such b/c they know I am visually challenged and when I can't find my glasses and got something I need to see, that's serious!
Thus, the title of my entire blog, you have to have a purpose in my life, if you don't and are not aligned with what I'm committed to, then please do me a favor and don't take up space...
So my day was filled with much optimism. My latest commitment to myself is to remain positive despite what's actually in front of me, but I tell you sometimes things block your focus so much that you can't see past it, and everything that seemed good no longer looked the same when reality makes its appearance. I'm a good person, but not perfect to say the least, but I love my friends and family and they know I'd do anything for them, I'm surrounded by good people, because I'm a good person, but every once in a while...you get people that cross your path, that you really want to see the good in them, but they make it so hard to.
I've been faced with so many uncertainties this past year. Alot of take it or leave it circumstances. I've tried to be purposeful about that I take or leave, but it seems to become more and more difficult at every juncture. I pray on it, for days on end, but from out of nowhere my heart is always faced with something my head can't comprehend...Should I take it....or should I leave it? Sometimes conviction grabs me by the hand and says keep it moving, but my heart is so heavy and still believes in happy endings...how can you ask a passionate woman to stop believing in happy endings? Remember when you found out that there was no Santa Claus and no Tooth Fairy...well that's what it feels like when you find out that there's a possibility that you may never find your one true love.
I care about the people in my life so much, that when I see them hurting it hurts me to my core. I know firsthand what it feels like to be sick of games, and of having patience, and waiting...but I'm stronger than most and rationalize those feelings by consuming myself with some other activities...but the truth is I feel those same things, my friends are feeling, I just don't feel like it does me any good to dwell on it, so I...as a true Scorpoio would do...keep it moving. But those rare times that I stand still and let life happen I'm always taken back to wanting something so much at this juncture in your life and not having any control over when you'll get it.
I'll admit, that I have an unreasonalble amount of demands when it comes to my life partner, but I'm so certain of what I have to offer that those things seems so simple. I'm so amazed at this so called "dating game" it's the lamest thing I've ever encountered...How can you strategize and plan around how to capture or break another persons heart? Please people, pay attention to your actions and what you do and say to people, what may seem like a gain to you at that moment may be a loss to someone else. If I've ever been so sure about something in my life, it's that I am so not interested...in the games. I don't participate in things that I don't understand. Some of this is pure venting, but the rest is asking people to take accountability for your actions, you're are dealing with real life human beings, if you didn't realize that, and while you're operating under a "it's all about me" mentality you could be doing some serious damange to the other person.
I have to be present to that myself as well, which is why I am never the one to waste anyones time, and at times when I may seem blunt, that's me being real with you. I'd rather not lead anyone on, and would much prefer to just say what's real...
I cannot say enough about the people in my life that know me and genuinely love me...and I name this blog as such b/c they know I am visually challenged and when I can't find my glasses and got something I need to see, that's serious!
Thus, the title of my entire blog, you have to have a purpose in my life, if you don't and are not aligned with what I'm committed to, then please do me a favor and don't take up space...
Friday, August 14, 2009
Because it Feels Good!
These past couple of weeks I've had this different feeling. I've finally made peace with things I'd been holding on to from my past, been really clear about what I want and where I'm headed and have spent some real good time alone and it feels good!
Sometimes I don't think people take the time to check-in with themselves in the moment and realize that they are in a good place. We often spend so much time stressing, with sporadic moments of feeling good that we can't even identify when we're in that good place. If you want more moments of feeling good, you have to notice it when you're in it.
There are quite a few things in my life that make me feel good; a glass of wine on a stressful day, the feeling after a good workout, being with my girls, honoring the commitments I've made to myself and sticking with them, putting in Dwele b/c it's feel good music, waking up on Saturday mornings with nowhere that I "have" to be, being around my family, etc...So my prescription is to include as much of these things as often as possible in my life.
Distractions
It's so easy for something or someone to take you out of your happy place! There are so many things to filter through every day. People cross our paths and we questions their intentions, situations happen that stress us out and we dwell on them for days. I say, let it go! Guess what? when this happens you have a choice....you can go back to your happy place or you can sit on it and let it fester. Really settle into what it feels like to feel good, what is your head telling you in that moment? where is your heart? who are you surrounded by or spending your time with? what did you do this week that contributed to where you are in this moment? once you identify the things that got you to that place, make them a staple in your life!
We all have bad days, it's somewhat disturbing when I sign onto Facebook and see the overwhelming amount of stressful posts people have. They far outnumber the positive ones. I will be the first to admit that I've been guilty of it as well. It's ok to acknowledge not being in a good place, but why put that out there, focus on how to get to a better place for the rest of the day. I've heard sayings that "there is power in the tongue", when you speak something, there is power in putting that out there. So if you're giving energy to having a bad day, guess what the rest of your day will be like? If you wake up in the morning and say this is going to be a great day, look at where that energy is being placed?
Life happens...shit happens...and then what? I am far from where I am meant to be, but what I am certain of is what makes me feel good. And at this point in my life I'm smart enough to identify the things that make me meel good AND are good for me at the same time. I've started writing again, because it feels good, I am at work right now, b/c it feels good to have a job, I am committed to only feeling good, even during the times when it seems impossible.
Sometimes I don't think people take the time to check-in with themselves in the moment and realize that they are in a good place. We often spend so much time stressing, with sporadic moments of feeling good that we can't even identify when we're in that good place. If you want more moments of feeling good, you have to notice it when you're in it.
There are quite a few things in my life that make me feel good; a glass of wine on a stressful day, the feeling after a good workout, being with my girls, honoring the commitments I've made to myself and sticking with them, putting in Dwele b/c it's feel good music, waking up on Saturday mornings with nowhere that I "have" to be, being around my family, etc...So my prescription is to include as much of these things as often as possible in my life.
Distractions
It's so easy for something or someone to take you out of your happy place! There are so many things to filter through every day. People cross our paths and we questions their intentions, situations happen that stress us out and we dwell on them for days. I say, let it go! Guess what? when this happens you have a choice....you can go back to your happy place or you can sit on it and let it fester. Really settle into what it feels like to feel good, what is your head telling you in that moment? where is your heart? who are you surrounded by or spending your time with? what did you do this week that contributed to where you are in this moment? once you identify the things that got you to that place, make them a staple in your life!
We all have bad days, it's somewhat disturbing when I sign onto Facebook and see the overwhelming amount of stressful posts people have. They far outnumber the positive ones. I will be the first to admit that I've been guilty of it as well. It's ok to acknowledge not being in a good place, but why put that out there, focus on how to get to a better place for the rest of the day. I've heard sayings that "there is power in the tongue", when you speak something, there is power in putting that out there. So if you're giving energy to having a bad day, guess what the rest of your day will be like? If you wake up in the morning and say this is going to be a great day, look at where that energy is being placed?
Life happens...shit happens...and then what? I am far from where I am meant to be, but what I am certain of is what makes me feel good. And at this point in my life I'm smart enough to identify the things that make me meel good AND are good for me at the same time. I've started writing again, because it feels good, I am at work right now, b/c it feels good to have a job, I am committed to only feeling good, even during the times when it seems impossible.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)